Juggling caring for an old, sick parent with a stressful job and family commitments, the sandwich Generation learns to trust another to enjoy vacation downtime
The Mehta family says that caregiver Pandurang Ghote (left) and 87-year-old Kheemraj have developed a father-son relationship. Pic/Pradeep Dhivar
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On A sunny February morning, when Pratik Sonawane, a practising nurse, stepped inside Prabhakar Joshi's Dadar residence, he wasn't expecting the warmest welcome from the 70-year-old. Joshi suffers from dementia, a progressive brain disorder, which causes memory loss, decline in cognition and difficulty with activities of day-to-day life. "Due to the condition, he is also suspicious of new people. So long as I enter the house with a member of his family, he is fine, but if I drop by alone, he tends to get distrustful of me," says the 25-year-old. This posed a challenge as, after a couple of weeks, when the rest of the family would be away on holiday, he would have to manage the patient all by himself.
It's been two months since the day Sonawane first came into the Joshi household as a caregiver. Today, both Sonawane and the septuagenarian have managed to forge an unlikely bond. "I'm with him 12 hours a day, and take care of his meals, diet, walks and hygiene. He responds well to me," says the Byculla resident.
Caregiver Shabana Shaikh seen spending time with 89-year-old Alzheimer’s patient Nalini at a garden in Breach Candy. Pic/Bipin Kokate
Next week, Joshi's son Kedar, daughter-in-law Aarti and granddaughter Nupur will fly to London for a 10-day vacation, entrusting the patriarch's responsibility to Sonawane. This would be the first time in four years that the family of three, prime caretakers of Joshi, will take this long a vacation. "Four years ago, my father-in-law was diagnosed with Parkinson's and dementia. His condition has been deteriorating since," says Aarti, a yoga instructor. Kedar is a manager at an MNC. "When you're struggling to care for an unwell loved one, while holding on to a job and family, it takes a toll. So, when my husband and I decided to go on a vacation with our daughter, our prime concern was to find someone trustworthy to look after my father-in-law."
Creating a comfort zone
For many in the city who are looking after ailing parents, taking off on a vacation poses a problem. It's here that professional caregivers step in.
Nightingale, a Mumbai-based 19-year-old company that specialises in home-based healthcare services such as nurses, bedside caregivers, physiotherapists and doctors, has received over 40 requests for caregivers this season. This, says Kiran Joshi, the company's regional head, is a 20 per cent rise from last
year's figure.
It's taken a while, Kiran says, but people are warming up to the idea that it's alright to head for a vacation, if there's somebody who can tend to an ailing family member. "People hire a caregiver a couple of weeks or months in advance, so that with time, the two adjust to each other. When you are assured that your parent is in safe hands, there's less guilt," he says.
Shabana Shaikh takes 89-year-old Alzheimer’s patient Nalini Doshi for a stroll at a park in Breach Candy. Pic/Bipin Kokate
Getting reliable care
It's here that agencies like his step in, providing reliable care. Dilip Mehta, a Girgaum resident, whose 87-year-old father was afflicted with paralysis two years ago, says he managed to find Pandurang Ghote after trying his luck at eight different healthcare bureaus in the city. "My father, Kheemraj, is entirely dependent, so we needed somebody who could take on this kind of a responsibility," says the businessman.
It was only after a friend recommended city-based Care 24, which offers professional care by trained caregivers, that his search ended.
Ghote, who hails from Akola, Nagpur district, has been with the Mehtas for over six months now. Within four months of Ghote's arrival, the family knew that they could finally manage to take a two-day trip to Ahmedabad to visit family there.
"My grandfather is overweight and it takes three people to lift him, but Pandurang manages it alone. He looks after him like he would a child. My grandfather too, treats him like son," says Kapil, the third generation of the Mehtas. The family doesn't go on long trips and often returns home within four days.
Often, families need to go the extra length to ensure the security of their ailing members. Neha Dos-hi, a Breach Candy resident, who has hired caregiver Shabana Shaikh to tend to her 89-year-old Alzheimer's afflicted mother-in-law Nalini, says she has installed CCTV cameras in the home. "In the past, I've experienced theft and instances where caregivers would not feed my mother-in-law. We've had a good experience with Shaikh. But, they need to know that they are being watched," she says.
Finding the right candidate
Care 24's founder Vipin Pathak says, finding the right person for the job is of utmost importance. "We conduct a 12-step screening process before zeroing in on the final candidate. This includes an interview, written test, medical test and a thorough background check," he says, adding that even soft skill training is imparted for the job. Much work goes into ensuring that caregivers are matched with the specific needs of the family. For instance, the Mehtas wanted someone who had experience with a paralytic patient and was able to stay calm while dealing with him.
The candidate requires a minimum work experience of three years, before they can apply. The company even has a retired senior police inspector, who regularly counsels the 1,500 caregivers, hired by the company, on security lessons. "Both need to feel secure. If the caregiver feels threatened, we terminate the contract. Also, if a patient expresses concern, we blacklist the caregiver."
Attention to detail
Ghote, who has been working as a caregiver for over a year now, says it's important to treat the patient like a parent. "He does get temperamental, but you take it in your stride," says the 32-year-old, who gets paid R25,000 for the job. Establishing a strong emotional bond with the patient is a pre-requisite in the job, even if the contract extends to just 50 days.
Kalwa resident Shaikh, who has been caring for Nalini for a few months now, says once you get past the initial teething trouble, the job becomes easier. "I realised that she loves her walks in the garden. So every day at 9 am, I take her out. That's the highlight of her day," she says.
Sonawane says it's not uncommon to get attached to the patient. "I have had patients who have kept in touch with me till the day they breathed their last."
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