Is bald the new sexy? Before you answer that, consider the list of celebrities named by a recent study as among the sexiest bald men of 2024. Topping the charts is Prince William, with Dwayne Johnson, Stanley Tucci, Thierry Henry and, of course, Vin Diesel following close at his heels. And, while in India, bald men were typically relegated to villainous roles (Mogambo khush hua, anyone?), the recent crop of balding but hot actors such as Akshaye Khanna and Rahul Bose are challenging that stereotype. If you are conscious about losing hair but can’t be bothered with transplants, weaves and other complicated procedures, experts recommend embracing the change with confidence. “One piece of advice I always give my patients who are losing hair or have embraced being bald is to own it. Baldness can be incredibly stylish and even sexy when you care for yourself well,” says Dr Niketa Sonavane, a celebrity dermatologist and founder of Ambrosia Aesthetics. She, and other experts, break down what your bald but beautiful routine should look like. Dwyvesh Parasnani; Nikita Sonavane and Bony Sasidharan Dare to bare Just because it isn’t covered in hair doesn’t mean you have to stop caring for your scalp, cautions Dr Sonavane. “In fact, it’s especially important to keep your scalp clean and hydrated. Use products that suit your skin type to avoid issues such as flakiness or excess oil. Further protect your scalp from the sun, because it is now fully exposed — the scalp can burn easily and repeated sunburns can lead to premature aging and even skin cancer. Use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher, and reapply it if you are outdoors for long periods. You could also consider wearing a cap or other headgear,” she advises. At the same time, invest in a good scalp care routine. Dr Sonavane suggests using a gentle cleanser to wash your scalp daily, especially if you are sweating or spend a lot of time outdoors. Avoid harsh soaps as they can dry your skin out. Exfoliate occasionally to remove dead skin cells, but do not overdo it; once a week is usually enough. “Moisturising your scalp is a must. A good, lightweight moisturiser or an oil-free hydrating lotion works well to prevent dryness and irritation. Look for ingredients such as ceramides or hyaluronic acid, which are great for hydration. If you have an oily scalp, use products that balance oil production without clogging pores,” she adds. The big, bald takeover The balding process has several stages and several interim stages before you simply shave it all off, experts say. “Many of my male clients feel conscious and worried when they begin to bald. Some of them want to carry a hairstyle that covers or conceals the areas where their hair is receding. Some alternatives include hair patches, micropigmentation or hair accessories such as bandanas, scarfs or hats that can complement or even augment their style. Hair fibre is another temporary option to cover small patches. Growing out your facial hair is another great option as it can balance your look,” shares Bony Sasidharan, artistic and education ambassador, Loreal Professionnel. Dwyvesh Parasnani, a hair artist at You Do You Hair Studio, explains that switching up your style as the balding progresses can make the process fun and experimental: “Ask for a tapered or zero fade with a fringe, to camouflage the hair loss. If the balding is quite prominent at the top of your head, you can sport a very trim buzz cut, with a beard as your accessory. For a more experimental look, try a mullet and add cornrows or box braids at the back. You could also try an army buzz or a high-top faded crop.” Radiant from within The correct lifestyle habits can support your scalp health significantly, recommends Dr Nikita Sonavane . Eat a balanced diet that is rich in vitamins and minerals, especially zinc, biotin and omega-3 fatty acids. Stay hydrated . Avoid smoking Follow this . Keep your scalp clean, hydrated and protected from the sun. Pay attention to your overall grooming, as a bald head draws attention to your face and neck. Explore beard grooming; a well-kept beard can add balance and style. A buzz cut or a crew cut requires regular maintenance. Plan your hair appointments accordingly. Consult a dermatologist when you notice thinning hair or bald patches: explore options such as PRP therapy, medication or hair transplants if you wish to preserve your hair. Shave your hair for a clean, polished look when your bald spots become prominent and your hair is scanty. Transitioning to this look can be a confidence-booster. If you are unsure about pulling it off a bald pate, start with a short trim and decide accordingly Avoid this . Ignore your scalp’s health: dryness, itchiness, or flakes need to be addressed with proper care or by consulting a dermatologist . Overuse razors or clippers without the correct technique; improper shaving can lead to cuts, ingrown hairs or irritation. Use harsh hair products if you still have some hair left: they can damage the scalp and worsen hair fall. And lastly, do not hesitate to embrace baldness
21 November,2024 11:37 AM IST | Mumbai | Anindita PaulThursday Reel stories, reel soundsMusic: The Revolver Club’s Hi-Fi show offers a chance to explore listening sessions and film screenings, with world-class audio systems.Till November 24 time 1 pm onwards At The Revolver Club, CST Road, 601 Dani Corporate Park, Kalina. Log on to @therevolverclub Entry First-come first-serve basisFree Friday Kids enjoy with the characters. Pic Courtesy/Instagram It’s Baby Shark fever Kids: Dive into the vibrant world of Baby Shark and Pinkfong with an exciting four-day extravaganza. Enjoy live shows, interactive games, engaging workshops, and more in a fun-filled event for families and young fans. Till November 24 time 3 pm onwards At Phoenix Palladium, Senapati Bapat Marg, Lower Parel. Log on to in. bookmyshow.com Cost Rs 699 onwards Saturday A moment from a previous brush painting session Capture your masterpieceWorkshop: Explore the art of impasto painting with a knife. Participants will learn techniques to create vibrant masterpieces. Time 3 pm to 6 pm At Costa Coffee, Amarkunj Society, Veer Savarkar Marg, Dadar West. Log on to @theblankcanvas2022 Cost Rs 1,600 Sunday Shrek-tacular SundayMuiscal: Spend your morning enjoying Shrek The Musical. Join Shrek, Fiona and Lord Farquaad as they embark on a hilarious journey from Shrek’s swamp to the kingdom of Duloc. This lively adaptation promises a delightful adventure for both the young and the young at heart.Time 11.30 am onwards At Royal Opera House, Mama Parmanand Marg, Opera House, Charni Road. Log On to in.bookmyshow.com Call 9324059522 Cost Rs 400 onwards Nature on show Indian pond heron. Pic Courtesy/Sachin Rane Sign up: Participate in a bird watching trail at the Maharashtra Nature Park. This refreshing walk through the park’s lush greenery, allows nature enthusiasts to observe a variety of bird species in their natural habitat. Time 8.30 am At Maharashtra Nature Park, Sion Bandra Link Road, Dharavi. Log on to @naturalistex Cost Rs 550
21 November,2024 08:48 AM IST | Mumbai | Kanisha SoftaAs a five-year-old, this writer would often be treated to stories about the cosmos just before going to bed. Tales of celestial heroes and villains, cosmic bravery and betrayals would fill the mind before sleep took control. There is no doubt that the solar system has been a constant source of fascination for humans and this weekend’s edition of Dr Bhau Daji Lad Museum’s Read With Me session exactly feeds into that. Devasher’s exhibition at Dr Bhau Daji Lad Museum. Pics Courtesy/Rohini Devasher Featuring a story about the Sun and the Moon by author Jayme Sandberg and narrated by educator Priya Aga, the session draws inspiration from Rohini Devasher’s ongoing exhibition at the museum, One Hundred Thousand Suns, to narrate an endearing tale of friendship in the backdrop of an eclipse. “It is a read aloud session for children between the age group of 7 to 14 years, and is deeply related to Devasher’s show. It seeks to initiate a dialogue on how we sometimes feel eclipsed in our friendships, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt. We want to create a safe space for children to have these kinds of conversations. The idea is for them to walk away feeling a bit more confident about themselves after the session,” Aga shares with us over a call. Patrons will be introduced to the exhibition first, after which Aga will begin the storytelling session with the audience. Driven by 10 years of research as an amateur astronomer and an eclipse chaser, Devasher’s exhibition provides the perfect precursor to Aga’s session. “The exhibition features artworks, interviews, videos and photographs that I have collected over many years. My work borrows from the portraits taken by the Kodaikanal solar observatory since 1901 and images from NASA along with my own research material. Though I have missed the opportunity of witnessing a solar eclipse, I can still say that it is a life changing experience. There are so many ways we read into the sky and project our feelings, desires and thoughts into it and have it reflected back to us. It is honestly so fascinating,” Devasher tells us. The session will build on Devasher’s cosmic explorations to situate the story, “It is about enabling a sort of community conversation. Children always bring a fresh perspective to things and what better than stories to talk about important ideas,” Aga tells us before signing off. Priya Aga during a previous session in January ON November 23; 4 to 5 pmAT Dr Bhau Daji Lad Museum, Rani Baug, Byculla West.LOG ON TO @bdlmuseum on InstagramFREE Priya Aga- Priya Aga with children at a previous storytelling session Rohini Devasher and Priya Aga
21 November,2024 08:46 AM IST | Mumbai | Divyasha PandaSomewhere along the rocky winding roads of the East Khasi Hills in Shillong, we find ourselves cruising between two armoured jeeps in the Meghalaya Chief Minister’s convoy. In the dense fog of the hills, lit only by the strobing red-and-blue beacon lights, the convoy is picking up speed by the minute to track down bandits — the chart-topping kind, of course. It is British electronic music group Clean Bandit, known for hits like Rockabye Baby and Symphony, who are gearing to take stage at the two-day long Shillong Cherry Blossom Festival that was also host to old-school icons like Akon and Boney M. Confetti fills the air at the festival Backstage before the performance, frontman Jack Patterson is unusually calm for a man who will be juggling four instruments, including a keytar and an electronic flute, in just about a minute. “We love experimenting with new instruments. In the studio you can record and layer your sounds. On stage, we must find new ways to recreate it,” he shares when we reunite after their audio-visual spectacle onstage. Rather Be, the track that got the Shillong crowd cheering the loudest, he reveals, was recorded using Queen frontman late Freddie Mercury’s old Fazioli grand piano housed by Metropolis Studios in London, and later layered with modern sounds. “I wanted to bring my big instruments to Shillong, but they didn’t let me,” laughs Patterson, who further reveals that he has fondly named his cat after his favourite keyboard, the Roland Jupiter. Jack Patterson in performance. Pics Courtesy/Instagram; Devashish Kamble The last time the Grammy Award-winning group was in India in 2019, they collaborated with musician Benny Dayal for a track in Mumbai. “Collaborating with Benny was a delight. But we want to come back for a longer stay to explore the music here in India. I feel like we have only scratched the surface,” Patterson admits. Grace Chatto, the group’s strings maestro, tells us that it’s noteworthy considering Patterson doesn’t listen to music outside the studio at all. “We’re in the studio all day. Jack practically lives in the studio. When we’re out, a bit of silence feels good,” Chatto explains. Just a day earlier, Boney M’s Maizie Williams had assured her fans she’d be back in the country on New Year’s Eve after her performance. Chatto plays the keytar during a previous performance The British band has evolved since their last visit to the country. The founding trio of Patterson, brother Luke, and Chatto now tour with violinist Molly Fletcher, and vocalists Kirsten Joy and Yasmin Green in what Chatto calls “a truly magical experience onstage”. After releasing their single Cry Baby in August this year, the duo is ready for a genre revamp. “We recently returned from a trip to South Africa. We’re deeply influenced by trance and reggaeton music right now,” they reveal, adding that fans can expect new Afrobeat collaborations that are already in the works to release even sooner. The Japan Arena at the festival hosted workshops and stalls like an origami corner where participants tried their hand at the ancient craft After bidding the duo adieu, and grooving to Dutch-Moroccan DJ R3hab’s closing set for the day while sampling local gin made using distilled rainwater from Cherrapunji at one of the many pop-ups at the festival, we hop into our jeep to head back. The fog has thickened since our earlier ride, but the rush has dissolved into a calm — the bandits must have left. But if they are ones to keep their promises, they will be back. Maizie Williams performs as part of Boney M’s farewell tour Log on to: Clean Bandit on Spotify Sound Czech We catch up with Czech guitarist Brian Bajak and Slovakia-based bassist Lukas Gasparix of metal band Korn SK for a candid chat after their raging metal set. The band has had an adventurous (and rather metal) day — after losing their guitars in transit from Europe, the band was left without guitars at the sound check. “This is probably the first time a metal band rehearsed without guitars. Lukas Gasparix and Brian Bajak But the locals were extremely kind. Some of them offered to lend their own guitars just so we could put on a show,” Bajak tells us. The miraculous arrival of the guitars an hour before the show called for a little celebration in the green room. About the experience performing in northeast India for the first time, Gasparix says it was a pleasant surprise. “In Europe, we play in venues that all look the same. We have been in awe of India’s natural beauty since we landed. As for the crowd, we weren’t ready for how loud they got at times,” he signs off. Log on to: Korn SK on Spotify
20 November,2024 09:06 AM IST | Shillong | Devashish KambleFor Amitesh Shrivastava, no number of years in Mumbai will rid him of the deep-rooted earthiness of his hometown of Khairagarh in Chhattisgarh. “I grew up there, sometimes taking cows out to graze with friends,” he shares. This, the artist notes, has covered his ideas with an earthiness that only he can recognise. It is this little burrow of his own mind into which he hopes to invite the visitors to his latest exhibition, The Rabbit Hole, this month. The exhibition marks the fourth solo show for Shrivastava with the Project 88 Gallery in Colaba. Having opened on November 12, the artist also exhibited at the recently concluded Art Mumbai showcase. This latest series features 11 works that are an evolution of his ‘painterliness’, Shrivastava remarks. “Painterliness is not an action, or a style. It is a gesture that is born of the subconscious. I would say it is an expression that is the result of the many inputs and information that are constantly flooding your mind,” the artist explains. Familiar Path, acrylic on canvas. Pics Courtesy/Amitesh Shrivastava, Project 88, Anil Rane “I do not set out with a pre-established notion when I create,” Shrivastava points out. We point out that his explanation sounds quite similar to the English poet John Keats’ description of poetry as a ‘spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions,’ and the alumni of the Baroda school of art is amused. “It is quite close,” he admits, “and unavoidable in a city like Mumbai.” Having lived in the city for the past decade, its chaos, music and rhythms have become a part of his creative process. “You cannot have a solitary thought in Mumbai. You walk through the streets and there are sights, sounds, conversations and ideas constantly entering your consciousness. When I step into my studio, I often walk in with an idea that has been coloured with this additional information. For me, the process of creation is a process of digging into this burrow to discover the rabbit,” he says. This is the ‘Rabbit’s Hole’ of his work; and like Lewis Carroll’s adventurous Alice, one does not always find the expected. Quite like the English author, the artist too seeks to explore the dissonances of his own pastoral and global influences. Twirling, acrylic on canvas, by Shrivastava The work is also a step into the global awareness of Shrivastava’s work. There is dexterity to the abstraction; an expression that feels at once international and familiar. “All of my work is informed by my love for the landscape. Like the women of my village who would cake the bottom of their cooking pots with cow dung to prevent it from getting burned, my works are steeped in my native vision and its colours,” he admits. This can be most evident in the earthy colours of browns and reds that flow into his abstractions. Yet the theme is not the subject, he emphasises. “My art is an internal conversation about the things I live, experience and interact with. What intrigues me is when a visitor finds it familiar as well. Drop in, and perhaps we could explore what it says to you,” he concludes. Perhaps, we just might. TILL December 31; 11 am to 7 pm (Tuesday to Saturday) AT Project 88, Ground Floor, BMP Building, Colaba. Also Read: Explore the colours of Sri Lanka’s wild at this exhibit in Mumbai
20 November,2024 08:56 AM IST | Mumbai | Shriram IyengarThe first edition of Crafty Bugs Atelier’s Evolution summit will bring a diverse panel to discuss issues related to children and parenting, with a focus on mental and physical wellbeing of children. “We want to address critical issues in parenting and equip children with behavioural traits such as mindfulness and stress management which help them navigate the world better,” Chinki Sainani, co-founder of Crafty Bugs shared. On: November 21; 6 pm onwardsAt: Bal Gandharva Rang Mandir Auditorium, Bandra West. Log on to: @craftybugsatelier on Instagram
20 November,2024 08:45 AM IST | Mumbai | The Guide TeamThere is nothing more comforting than a winter day spent in a cosy cafe, perusing zines over classic treats. That’s exactly what the Bombay Zine Fest is promising this weekend. “We want more and more people to experience the possibilities of independent publishing, as well as get the chance to interact with zine makers from different places in the world,” Himanshu Shetty, the co-founder of Bombay Underground along with Aqui Thami, tells us. Zines, short for ‘fanzines,’ are independently published, typically non-professional works of art. Historically linked to counterculture movements, they provide a platform of expression to the underrepresented and marginalized. “We have been making zines for nearly 25 years now. For Aqui and me, we have always enjoyed and worked towards creating more spaces that allow different kinds of voices to be heard,” Shetty explains. Aqui Thami and Himanshu Shetty For Thami, it is also about the independent community they are building, “Zines give you full artistic control. There are different ways in which zines circulate; they are not always up for sale, they can be exchanged also. Zine-making also gives freedom of creation to artists and propels a movement. And it is more than needed today because of how surveilled we are.” The eighth edition of the fest will have more than 100 artists and nearly 300 zines along with a huge array of printed goodies and a zine sharing session on Saturday. A zine created by members of the Dharavi Art Room “We have artists participating from different parts of the country as well as interested platforms and people from the UK, USA and a few European collectives like the Synchronise Witches Press and Anarchy Collective. Apart from that we have our own works, new stuff from participants and some from our community space, Dharavi Art Room as well,” Shetty shares before signing off. ON November 22; 3 pm to 9 pm, November 23 and 24; 12:30 pm to 9 pm. AT Candies, Pali Hill, Bandra West.LOG ON TO @bombayzinefestENTRY Rs 150
20 November,2024 08:40 AM IST | Mumbai | Divyasha PandaAuthor and historian William Dalrymple is on the move. He’s wrapped up a studio shoot in Bandra, and has a lecture to deliver at the Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj Vastu Sangrahalaya in Fort. He stops for a conversation with us, and, in that moment, he has all our attention. His energy and excitement are infectious. “As a kid, my interests were archaeology and ancient history; I would spend all my school holidays digging on archaeological excavations. When I went to Cambridge, I studied archaeology initially, before changing to history. My 18-year-old self will be very surprised, as I ended up writing about the 18th and 19th centuries rather than ancient history,” he reveals. He recalls how, having first arrived in India 40 years ago in 1984, the first places he visited were the stupas at Sanchi and the caves of Ajanta and Ellora, guided by his original interest. A chaityagriha at Bhaja caves near Pune “Having started the Company quartet [The Anarchy, White Mughal, Return of the King, and The Last Mughal], I got so absorbed in the period [of the 18th Century] that it took 20 years to write the four books.” He’s now moved on to exploring other subjects, which he admits, as an adult, he hasn’t been a specialist in. His latest book, The Golden Road (Bloomsbury), is his journey into unearthing a forgotten story of the ancient past. It’s a historian’s perspective on how Indian ideas — Indic philosophy, culture, and scientific discoveries — spread across the world through its sea and overland routes, and influenced other countries. The façade of Cave 10 at Ajanta Dalrymple offers a detailed study, first, of the early days of Buddhism and its rise in regions west of India during the period of Ashoka, and then, of its diffusion into various parts in Southeast and East Asia. Such details are drawn primarily through its carriers and bearers. The characters make the text: Shakyamuni, Ashoka, the Yavanas, the Yuezhi, the Nalanda monks, the Chinese empress Wu Zetian, and the Pallavas. Dalrymple writes like a novelist but there is no fiction in his work. It’s backed by his reading of existing scholarship on the ancient world and his study of wall paintings, art history, and numismatics. “India has an extraordinary story to tell,” he says. The number of footnotes in the book is testimony to his effort to tell the story as it is, “to give a straightforward, neutral, and factual account that’s not a sort of chest thumping work of nationalism.” His amazement does not preclude his laying down of the facts. A mural of Buddha in Cave 10 at Ajanta; Illustrated figures of Ajanta Cave paintings; Stone elephant at the Pancha Rathas of Mahabalipuram; Buddhist rock-cut façades at Bedsa Caves near Pune. Pics Courtesy/Wikimedia Commons Ancient India lacks enough manuscripts, he shares. “Anyone who deals with ancient history has to scrape around at a much more varied set of sources.” For instance, we learn that the earliest phase of Buddhism, 450-250BCE, had no inscriptions. “It’s only with Ashoka [and his edicts] that we start to get epigraphic evidence of the religion.” This is fairly different from the work that the colonial period demands, where, he believes, one is truly spoiled for choice. “There are so many good letters and diaries. There are 30 miles of records in London, and a comparable amount in the National Library in Delhi.” As for ancient history, he reveals, “For great swathes of this period, you’re in the dark. And then suddenly, you come across lucky survival, and the lights go on, as with Xuanzang (Hsüan-tsang). Suddenly, you have not just Xuanzang, but his biographer, and a whole world associated with his protégé. And then you dive into another darkness again.” In searching for the light, Dalrymple arrives at his thesis on India’s position as “a crucial economic fulcrum and civilisational engine... one of the main motors of global trade and cultural transmission in early world history… on par with China.” He argues that what we know as the Silk Road today is, in fact, a modern idea. “One of the things that happens with historians is that they pick up and echo each other.” Several ideas dominate; these are not necessarily facts. “The Silk Road seems to be a very good example of how, for various reasons, a half-truth has become an established fact. Now the Silk Road (trade routes connecting China and the Far East with the rest of the world) certainly existed in the 13th Century when Marco Polo used it. But whether it existed in any tangible sense in the classical period is highly questionable.” Yet today, two shows in London speak about the Silk Road and reinstate a stance that is actually a myth. Dalrymple believes that ancient China and Greece have been very good at telling their stories. But India has suffered in comparison with the two. Two sections in the book stand out: his exploration of the spread of literary texts (outside of the epics), such as the philosopher Dandin’s The Mirror of Poetry (Kavyadarsha), and his inclusion of astronomical and mathematical discoveries by Aryabhatta and Brahmagupta. Few know of the origin of zero outside of India; yet fewer know that what the West calls “the Arabic number system” actually began in India. The startling dispersal of Indic ideas was “a relay race”. They began in Pataliputra, moved to Mount Abu, Sindh and Baghdad, were translated by Al Khwarizmi, entered Spain, and reached Italy through Fibonacci, “two generations later, Leonardo da Vinci was reading this material.” In the end, Dalrymple’s work nudges us to think about what we can learn from ancient India — not the hierarchies but alternative philosophies, its culture and scientific discoveries, its scholarship, poetics, and critical inquiries. Dalrymple’s reccos for site visits . Ajanta Caves. Early Buddhist cave monasteries outside Pune: Bhaja, Bedsa, and Karla. Pallava temples in Mamallapuram (Mahabalipuram) and sites around Kanchipuram
19 November,2024 07:34 PM IST | Mumbai | Nandini VarmaHow often have you been bombarded with unsolicited advice on morning routines from someone who last woke up early to catch a flight? In this episode of Two Girls And Two Cups podcast, the hosts Salonie Patel and Srishti Ganguli Rindani hilariously dissect the world of morning rituals, delivering a refreshing, satirical commentary on advice we’ve all heard and mostly ignored. Their recent episode opens with a witty critique of the trend to drink water first thing in the morning, from lemon water to jeera and saunf infusions. The hosts joke that trying such infusions might land one in hospital rather than being productive. They proceed to tackle journalling, exploring various journal types from dream to gratitude journals and highlight the struggle of consistently finding things to be grateful for. Salonie Patel and Srishti Ganguli Rindani Next, the hosts unpack the The 5 am Club book’s famous 20/20/20 formula: 20 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of learning, and 20 minutes of meditation. They humorously critique the difficulty of learning something entirely new daily or meditating for 20 minutes without dozing off. Addressing the cold shower and face-icing trends, they sarcastically compare them to torture techniques. They offer practical take on to-do lists and suggest including achievable tasks like “getting dressed” or “having breakfast” in the list to set up small wins. The commentary shifts to gratitude walks, where the hosts humorously question where one could take such a walk in Mumbai. They playfully suggest being grateful for unbroken tiles, potholes amidst the city’s infrastructural woes. Positive mirror self-talk is hilariously reimagined, with the hosts warning that at 5 am, your reflection might talk back because ghosts are still on duty. The episode wraps up with the ultimate advice: take no advice. The episode ends with a catchy, made-up song summarising the universal struggle of building a morning routine. Packed with sharp humour, relatable stories, and witty satire, this short episode offers a refreshing take on the overwhelming advice around morning routines. While it’s not for the straightjacketed, thanks to its dark humour, cuss words, and bold commentary, it’s a highly entertaining listen for those who might enjoy a playful take on their everyday struggles. Log on to Youtube; Apple Podcasts and Spotify
19 November,2024 09:29 AM IST | Mumbai | Kanisha SoftaFour years after his passing, actor Lupita Nyong’o recently wrote about the death of her former co-star Chadwick Boseman: “Grief never ends. But it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It’s the price of love.” Her evocative words touched a chord with thousands of fans, who could either relate to the very personal loss of a loved one, or the collective and almost as crushing loss of a beloved celebrity like Boseman. And while Nyong’o reflected on the transformative nature of her grief, for many, the unspoken burden of loss is often theirs to shoulder alone. Journalling can be a therapeutic tool to process grief It was this realisation that led psychotherapist Sonali Gupta to devote an entire book, You Will Be Alright (Penguin India) to the topic. She shares, “Over the last two decades of my work, I have witnessed and seen that we have a culture of intergenerational silence when it comes to grief. We are neither taught nor trained to have a vocabulary for grief. As a result, it’s extremely common for clients who come to therapy sessions to tell me how they find it hard to articulate what is being evoked in them in the event of a loss, either due to death or the end of a relationship. Grief takes the form of that ‘who must not be named’ — we carry irrational beliefs around death and mortality — such as believing that something bad may really happen if we talk about death.” Also Read: Did it heal me? Sunday mid-day tests therapy sessions with a new AI chatbot Gupta’s book addresses the topic through a multifaceted lens, with careful consideration to those parts of grief that are often considered too ‘difficult’ to address and are therefore relegated to silence. This, she says, was a conscious decision. “How we accept and process grief impacts everything. I believe it shapes how we love and how we live. This, in turn, also means that if we choose to suppress and avoid dealing with our grief, then in so many ways it starts coming in the way of how we love,” she elaborates. Complexities of loss In the book, Gupta writes that while grief is typically associated with death, it is more accurately described as the human response to loss. This loss can take various forms — drifting apart from an old friend, a miscarriage, the end of a relationship or even betrayal. She notes that grief can also be attributed to the loss of a thing, or even an abstraction. Acknowledging the grief that results from such losses, says Gupta, is the first step towards processing those emotions and seeking the necessary support. Individual therapy sessions can help you cope with the loss Another interesting observation is that while emotions such as fear, devastating sorrow and hopelessness are considered typical of the grieving process, individuals experiencing grief may sometimes find their sadness tinged with contradictory emotions such as relief, shame, anger or even guilt. “Situations that could be associated with relief are when there have been years of care giving and a certain degree of fatigue and exhaustion have set in,” Gupta writes. “Very often, relief is accompanied by a feeling of guilt. We begin to think of ourselves as bad people, who feel relief in the aftermath of a loved one’s death. The reality is that we can still love someone deeply and yet feel relieved when they pass away. It is normal and a part of being human,” she continues. Similarly, she writes about the possibility of grief being accompanied by feelings of shame, combined with anger and even hatred for the person who passed away, particularly when there was addiction involved — like alcohol or drugs, for instance. These emotions are often intertwined with sadness and may be experienced at the same time. For many, this duality and paradoxical reality may seem difficult to comprehend. “If you are supporting someone who is dealing with these emotions, learning to accept what the bereaved is saying, without trying to judge them for it, is the biggest part of grief,” she notes. Help through it all When supporting a grieving individual, the ‘how’ matters as much as the intent, Gupta emphasises, “Statements like ‘time is a big healer’, ‘you will get over it’, or telling someone to ‘think of the road ahead’ don’t help at all. The reality is that we never get over our losses; we only learn to build a life around loss. There are no timelines when it comes to grief and telling someone that it gets better with time can often feel like trivialising their loss. Just as our love remains even after we have lost a loved one, our grief also remains — it changes and feels different as we begin to process the loss. Learning to listen, offering an attentive presence rather than saying ‘I know exactly how you feel’ is important, as grief never looks the same for two individuals,” she adds. In the book, Gupta reminds us that just as our love remains even after we have lost a loved one, so does our grief — it changes and feels different as we begin to process the loss. Representation pics Knowing when to seek the right kind of support is also crucial. “Grief is deeply personal, feels overwhelming and often shows up in the most unexpected ways. There are clients who reach out in therapy because they find it hard to talk to their loved ones and often need a safe space that feels objective and non-judgmental. In scenarios where the bereaved had an ambivalent relationship with the individual who passed away and has mixed feelings about this loss, the support of an expert can help. In my experience, if you are experiencing panic attacks, suicidal ideation or intrusive thoughts at a rapid frequency, it is important to reach out to a mental health professional. Similarly, if the loss was due to suicide, homicide or under traumatic circumstances, it becomes crucial to reach out,” Gupta explains. Grief or depression? At the same time, she points out that it’s important to not pathologise grief. “While the devastating sadness that follows grief seems a lot like depression, it’s important to not confuse the two. Grief and depression share some similar characteristics; however, they are not the same. We need to remember that every grieving individual is not depressed. When you are supporting someone who is grieving, learn to be patient and recognise grief for what it is, while also being alert about persistent and intrusive symptoms that do need attention,” she concludes. Is it normal to mourn celebrity deaths? Michael Jackson’s death in 2009 resulted in an unprecedented global mourning The short answer, says Gupta, is yes. “Clients often talk about celebrity deaths in therapy sessions. My sense is that these deaths remind us of our own mortality… more so, when the deaths are untimely, the idea of uncertainty and unpredictability of life also emerges. It is also very common for clients who struggle with clinical depression and suicidal thoughts to experience an increased intensity when it comes to their own moods, particularly when a celebrity death is attributed to suicide or strange circumstances, or is considered untimely,” she writes. She notes that it is important to allow yourself to mourn and grieve these losses, just as you would mourn the passing of someone close to you. “Engaging with their work, limiting the consumption of news and social media, journalling your thoughts, and seeking support are some ways in which you can process this grief,” Gupta says.Also Read: Emotional hangover: What is this new mental health buzzword and how can you recognise it?
18 November,2024 11:25 AM IST | Mumbai | Anindita PaulIt is a lovely weekend when we reach out to artiste Prachi Saathi and designer Upasana Nattoji Roy ahead of their show in the city. The duo will present their unique concept performance that combines three different art forms — Bharatanatyam, Warli Art and immersive animation. Quite the challenge, particularly when the three forms are structurally different. “When I write choreography for my sets, I often draw stick figures to explore the idea. One day, the similarity in the geometric nature of both Bharatanatyam and Warli art struck me. It led me to think, why not weave a story around it?” shares Saathi, recalling the origins of the idea. A moment from the performance For Nattoji Roy, it was a matter of fundamental storytelling that culminated in this confluence. “The performance is all about the coming together of a story through dramaturgy. Animation and Bharatanatyam are both time-based mediums of presentation, and Warli art is an expression of tribal culture. It was all natural, and is actually a way to create a bridge between art, technology and design,” she explains.Also Read: Psychotherapist Sonali Gupta dives into the complexities of grief in new book Saathi first conceived the idea of the performance in 2019 with Roy and nurtured it for three and a half years before they presented it to the public in 2023. She admits that one of her objectives was to bring in more audiences to classical performances. “The set is especially designed to attract children who are our future audience base. I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without the help of Upasana, Rajendra Chaudhari (who designed the props), Swapnil Shapekar and Satish Krishnamurti (who provided the sound arrangement),” the former voice artiste tells us. Upasana Nattoji Roy The performances are intrinsically linked to Warli art, and are an attempt to reconnect with nature. The art form became a key to this creative expression. “I wanted to integrate the vibrant Warli tradition into the story. Indigenous communities have been the first dwellers of the land, and their ancient practices find voice through their artistic practices, specifically in Warli art,” Saathi notes. The 42-year old artiste spent three days among the Warli community of Jawahar Pada in Palghar for research. They have also invited 30 Warli artists to watch the show. “It is a way to tell them that this performance is for you,” Saathi says. “We want people to rethink their actions towards climate. Does development have to be at the cost of nature? Can ecology and economy go hand in hand?” Saathi asks. The name of the performance is another one of its intriguing facets. “We named it When walls dance because when you see tribal art it seems as though the figures are dancing on the wall; as are we in this performance. So, it seemed apt,” she signs off. ON November 19; 6 pm and 8 pmAT G5A Warehouse, Laxmi Mills Estate, Shakti Mills Lane, Mahalaxmi. LOG ON TO insider.inCOST Rs 250 (first-come-first-serve basis)Also Read: Why you can visit this new restaurant in Lower Parel
18 November,2024 11:12 AM IST | Mumbai | Divyasha PandaADVERTISEMENT
