It’s not uncommon to struggle with the pressure of celebrating a festive season the right way. Here’s how you can navigate those tough emotions of loneliness and isolation

As every holiday movie has shown us, the festive season can be stressful for some. But unlike their happy endings where the cine universe (writer and director) places solutions into protagonists’ laps, reality might paint a different picture. Not skipping over to the good part but helping us navigate towards individual definitions of happiness, four mental health experts detail ways to deal with feelings of loneliness, isolation and stress this Diwali.

Recreate the celebratory mood by yourself or with your chosen family

Understanding triggers

Firstly, why does it feel like the holidays induce a pronounced sense of loneliness and stress, when they’re marketed to us as the happiest times of the year? This might be where the problem begins; at the weight of expectations to have celebrations appear a certain way and other factors at play that might contribute to a sense of loss, and a feeling of exclusion and inadequacy. Stress can creep in when trying to celebrate while living away from home, friends and family, being tied up with work commitments, or facing issues with financial management and planning.

Lall suggests acknowledging a difficult feeling, spending a few moments with that feeling and trying to understand what the feeling is trying to tell us

Is life picture-perfect?

Pressure and expectations can come from comparison with other people’s celebrations through social media, advertisements and films. Counselling psychologist 
Utkarsha Jagga explains, “We try to match a certain picture of happiness that has been sold to us. Any incongruence between how celebrations ‘should’ look and how they actually are, can provoke feelings of incompetence, insecurity, jealousy, resentment, and disappointment.” She reminds us that subjecting ourselves to comparisons is an unfair way to treat ourselves.

Utkarsha Jagga, Disha Manchekar, Itisha Peerbhoy and  Riona Lall

Contributors of isolation

Psychologist and trauma therapist Disha Manchekar shares, “It’s a common phenomenon to expect togetherness during the festive season, however, it is not possible for everyone. Those who have moved out recently or struggle to form platonic relationships may experience loneliness comparatively more. Meeting family members with whom you have poor relations may be stressful. And if you are a caretaker of a loved one, the goals of recovery and expectations to celebrate festivals may stress you.” 

Psychotherapist Itisha Peerbhoy adds, “Alienation from our roots occurs in many ways; at times, you lose connection with someone because work has taken over, and on other occasions, the relationship is not what it used to be, or you are dealing with grief. Illness and caretaking can change your equation with a loved one where you go from companion to caregiver, making it tough to celebrate the way you used to.”

Jagga shares, “Other factors include feeling a sense of forced celebration or joy in environments, which are toxic or abusive.” People living with mental health illnesses might have to deal with more trigger points. She adds, “Anyone with lived experiences of mental illness, or a traumatic association with this time of the year, might have lesser social support, be empathised with less, or have low representation and space in festive narratives.”

Face the loneliness, deal with the triggers

Though loneliness can feel daunting, Manchekar reminds us that it can be coped with. She suggests, “Engage in compassionate self-talk without passing judgment. The first step is to identify and feel the emotions, and consider what is triggering them. Next, ask yourself what would make you feel better?”

Mental health professional, Riona Lall reminds us that there is no need to fit into a dominant idea of celebrations or how we should feel during festivals. “We might ignore or suppress an unpleasant emotion in the hope that it will go away but sometimes it can get stronger when you try to ignore it. 

Acknowledging how we feel is important,” Lall continues, “Perhaps loneliness makes its presence felt because it could be our mind’s way of telling us to find meaningful connections.” She remarks that developing these connections could be explored in many ways — meeting friends or colleagues, spending some time amidst 
nature, exploring new parts of our city, spending time with those not as fortunate as us could help in navigating difficult emotions that arise from loneliness.

How to rewrite the meaning of celebration?

Jagga notes that as adults we may have more control over our traditions and can work towards a chosen family to celebrate with, create new traditions and rituals for ourselves and rewrite narratives that align with our definition of joy. She adds that it’s okay to take time away from the chaos of festivities and be mindful of our social battery. “Don’t pressurise yourself to consistently feel the same intensity of happiness across days; our emotions come and go like waves, and being aware of them allows us to stay in the moment and tend to our needs.”

For those who are grieving, Lall shares, “Participate in rituals that connect you with your loved ones, acknowledging the feeling of loss, connecting with others who may have undergone similar experiences, or taking time away from festivities.” Peerbhoy suggests undertaking simple gestures to make a festival meaningful for a caregiver and their ward. 

She shares, “Decorate a space, perform meaningful rituals like making a small altar or a celebratory dish, wearing new clothes, or lighting a lamp.”

Peerbhoy suggests a more balanced view of what a festive season could mean for us. “Remember that being part of a crowd is not the only true meaning of celebration. It can also be a time of reflection and renewal where we recreate the meaning of festivities and choose what we would like it to signify to us,” she concludes.

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