What does it take to raise a child as a single mother? Find out at an event where a group of mommies share their journeys
Ashima Chibber with her son, Shiv
It is now well accepted that more and more youngsters these days are shying away from the idea of having children. Various surveys support this fact, and the reasons that people give range from financial insecurity to not finding the right partner to simply, "Babies aren't my thing." But conversely, there is also a silent revolution that's taking place. The societal norms that govern a parent-child relationship are gradually being questioned. Many people across the world are giving birth outside of wedlock. And there is also an increasing number of women raising children as single mothers, not because they are divorced or that their husbands have passed away, but because they have no inhibitions about being a solitary parent and embarking on a journey of motherhood all by themselves.
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Mumbaikars will now get to hear some of these stories at an event called #MaaHooNaa, organised by Festivelle, a platform that aims to empower women. Actors Shruti Seth and Gul Panag are its co-founders, and Seth tells us, "Our keynote speaker is a film director named Ashima Chibber, who triggered the idea behind this event. We met one fine day and I told her, 'You look rather large,' when she said, 'Yeah, I'm pregnant." I was like, 'Really?' And she said, 'Yeah, I just got fed up of waiting [to have a child] and went to a sperm bank to get myself a good enough donor. I then got myself artificially impregnated, and here I am.' We were all shell-shocked and awestruck because of how quietly she went about doing what she wanted, without any hue and cry. It's an amazing story, to be honest."
Gul Panag and Shruti Seth
Chibber, though, tells us that her decision was a long time coming. She compares the eggs in a woman's ovaries to a box of laddoos that are fresh when you are young. But as you grow older, they turn stale and crumbly, and are well-past their sell-by date when you cross the age of 40. Chibber herself learnt that rather late in life, when she was around 38. Her 20s had been spent mostly in the UK, where she had a loving partner and a home they had bought together. But then her life came to a crossroads where she had to choose between her relationship and the option of building a directorial career in Mumbai. She chose the latter. For five years, she put everything else aside and concentrated on her profession. Finally, she got her first big break with the film, Mere Dad ki Maruti, in 2013. And that's when all her pent-up desires of being a mother some day came rushing back.
She tells us, "I realised after making the movie that a career is never about yourself. It's about the people who witness it. And I thought, 'The problem is that I don't have a child, which is why I am so dissatisfied since I have always wanted a baby and that's been a shadow at the back of my mind.'"
She adds that she thus logged on to a host of dating websites, but just couldn't find the right man. The only option, in that case, was to take the plunge on her own and after her doctor told her that, well, her laddoos had gone past their expiry date, she opted for artificial insemination. But when she initially told her friends about her decision, most of them had a dismissive, you've-got-to-be-kidding attitude. "I realised that nobody expects a single person to be pregnant. Had I been married, it would have been, 'Hey, congratulations!' But now that I have had Shiv [her five-month-old son], people are okay. I take him down to play with the other children in my building and everyone's cool about it. So, I do think that there's a silent revolution taking place," Chibber says about her story, which is one among other inspiring journeys that women will share at the event, illustrating how the clichéd image of a father holding his screaming wife's hand while she's delivering doesn't apply in the present day.
ON May 3, 5 pm
AT Fun Republic Social, opposite New Link Road, Andheri West
LOG ON TO insider.in
COST Rs 499 (entry only for women)
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