‘It brought us closer’: The secret to making long-distance relationships work

With Valentine’s Day here, couples are eager to spend time with each other, planning special dates and gifts. However, this might be challenging for people in long-distance relationships. Experts share tips to strengthen your bond and celebrate your love, despite the distance

Would we be able to stay away from each other?

What if we grow apart?

Is this person worth waiting for?

When will we meet again?

What does the future hold?

These are just some questions that couples might find themselves deliberating upon when the mention of a ‘long-distance relationship’ comes up. And rightly so, because being miles apart from the person you love isn’t exactly an easy task.

However, when you find someone worth holding on to, would you want the relationship to fall apart only because you both don’t live in the same place?

Riya and Aman (names changed), who have been in a long-distance relationship for three years, didn’t let the distance between Mumbai and Bangalore affect their bond.

“Honestly, we didn’t think about it that much. We just went with the flow, and navigated situations and challenges as they appeared,” says Riya.

Aman adds, “I feel the distance has brought us closer. When you can’t go out or celebrate together, the primary way of bonding is by talking. And these conversations have led to us getting to know each other better.”

Factors to consider

While the couple embraced long-distance relationship, the arrangement doesn’t come without challenges.

“There are times when we feel like celebrating together or having the other by our side in situations of sadness or happiness, but it isn’t always possible,” Aman expresses.

While relationships in general can pose several challenges, distance adds another layer to it. Perhaps that’s why couples are often hesitant to opt for long-distance relationships.

Jasdeep Mago Jethani, a Mumbai-based neuropsychologist and psychotherapist, explains, “People usually hesitate to get into a long-distance relationship due to two primary issues. The first one is the question of trust. Can I trust this person to be loyal to me when I am not around? The second issue is that of ‘What if’. What if they make a better life where they are without me, and then don’t need me?”

Several other challenges further complicate this arrangement.

According to Jethani, the most common challenges that can arise in a long-distance relationship are:

Communication gap: Depending on the geography, type of job, lifestyle, etc., communication gaps can often occur in a long-distance relationship. “This can be overcome by setting certain guidelines and ideating ways to connect with each other without being intrusive,” she remarks.

Trust issues: Several questions relating to one's partner can arise in an individual’s mind: Whom are they talking to? Whom are they spending time with? Which friends are they hanging out with? Are they telling me the truth? Can I trust the people around my partner? “These trust issues and questions can arise due to two reasons: internal insecurities and actual proof. In order to navigate this, you should figure out which one of the above is causing it and then have a conversation with your partner accordingly,” Jethani states.

Growing apart: This is a major challenge in long-distance relationships. A common question is: What if we grow into two different individuals and don’t have the same interests we have today? “This is a conversation that couples should have throughout the relationship to know where each one stands,” she says.

While these are challenges that arise after the long-distance relationship begins, there are some factors that one should consider and conversations one should have before opting for this arrangement. Paying heed to these points can ease the burden later.

Bangalore-based relationship coach Radhika Mohta shares, “What tops this list irrespective of geography, distance, time zones, etc. is the question: Do you have the financial resources and the emotional bandwidth to be able to handle a long-distance relationship?”

“No matter what technology has come in and how close we feel because of virtual communication, sometimes you just want to hold hands with your partner, or share a meal with them, or want to be a part of each other’s highs and lows. That is when last-minute buses, trains, cabs, flights cost money. So, that is something to consider in advance,” she explains.

“And in terms of emotional bandwidth, if one partner needs constant reassurance of togetherness, then a long-distance relationship can get difficult,” she adds.

Jasdeep Mago Jethani (L); Radhika Mohta (R)

Making long-distance relationships work

While difficulties arise, couples can bridge the physical distance using innovative ways. 

Riya reveals, “We had to figure out ways to bond and spend time together. From virtual movie-watching experiences to online games, we tried different things.”

“We used to have a movie night every Friday. That time was reserved for each other,” Aman adds.

Additionally, the couple also found ways to meet each other whenever possible, planning their trips in a way that they could celebrate important occasions together.

Jethani shares the following ways to strengthen one’s bond in a long-distance relationship:

• Make each other a part of your life. Talk to each other about your friends, work, new hobbies, interests, etc. If you are growing into a different individual, let them grow with you. When you include each other in these parts of your life, it creates a sense of belonging and togetherness, and that’s what keeps people going despite the distance.
• Have healthy boundaries in terms of time and space. Be sensitive towards each other’s goals and commitments, and set boundaries accordingly.
• Don’t be too involved in making short-term plans like when you are meeting next. It's good to make plans, but better to focus on the bigger dreams and goals that have led to this arrangement. What’s the dream you have, individually and together? This mindset keeps people united.

Mohta shares the following tips:

• Engage in shared experiences virtually, whether it is video calls, playing online games or participating in an activity together like learning a new language. Through this, you grow together, and it also makes for something to talk about.
• Rituals work well in long-distance relationships. “I know this couple who was in a long-distance relationship between Mumbai and Europe. The ritual of doing a movie date night online every weekend worked out well for them. The ritual can also look like one person calling the other every morning, and both starting their day together,” Mohta states.
• A room for grace is important. There will be times when your partner might not pick up the call on time, their battery might die, etc. One must not consider these situations as potential threats to the relationship. This comes when people are assured about their relationship and trust each other.

“It’s important to have a vision board together. In the short term, what are you looking forward to collectively? In the long term, when are you planning to be together in the same location? The ‘why’ of the relationship needs to be strong,” Mohta concludes.

Also Read: Valentine's Day 2025: Loved or love bombed? Here's how to differentiate

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