When it comes to love, try and try... till you succeed

But when it comes to matters of the heart, trying, again and again, is as painful as walking barefoot on a stony path. Why be a sadist and keeping walking until your blistered feet bleed?

When it comes to love, try and try... till you succeed

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This mantra was drilled in our heads as kids. If you don’t try, how will you achieve your objectives? The advice is sound and can be implemented for physical and intellectual goals like weight loss or promotions. But when it comes to matters of the heart, trying, again and again, is as painful as walking barefoot on a stony path. Why be a sadist and keeping walking until your blistered feet bleed?

In last week’s column, I covered the ‘How’— fears that one has to overcome when it comes it finding love for the second time. This week I will tackle the ‘Why’— is it even worth the pain? Why should one bother to find love again?

Letting go will help you: A failed marriage or relationship leaves behind a trail of angst and disappointed. Words hurled can hurt more than Thor’s hammer and silence sometimes is worse than Iron Man’s sarcasm. One of the toughest steps is to forgive — the other party, but more importantly, yourself. One way to forgive is to open your heart again. Whether you find love or not is secondary. The minute you are open to the notion of love, you will lighter and able to move on with your life.

The right combination simply works: There can be two good people who are best apart. A failed relationship is never just one person’s fault. Individually both may be fantastic human beings, but as a unit, they don’t work. Like two clashing flavours. So, if you are aromatic, sweet cinnamon you can’t stay paired with coffee. Go find a tea you can blend with and let the coffee seek out a new flavour. Vanilla perhaps? Life will be sweeter with the right pairing.

A companion does not complete: Forget what Jerry Maguire said. You do NOT need anyone to complete you. You are whole on your own. Paripurna. And if you don’t feel that, spend time and get reacquainted with yourself. A companion won’t complete you, but he can definitely complement you. You are more than capable to go on long drives and walks on beach on your own. But with someone by your side, that sunrise will seem more spectacular.

Give to live: Having someone remind you to take your vitamins or save the last mango for you, makes one feel cared for. And in turn doing small things for the other person, whether it is an impromptu movie date or breakfast in bed, can be uplifting for one’s own soul. Giving is the most supreme form of love. When you find someone to give your heart, your time, your attention and your love to, you will also discover your own bliss.

If you remember the 90s as well as I do, you will recall a touching ad by Asian Paints where a woman is looking for ‘mera wala blue’. That exact shade of blue she has in mind for her walls. And of course, Asian Paints offers that specific shade, amongst hundreds of other options. Go out there and find your blue, green, beige, magenta, crimson or even white. And paint a new beginning.

Seema Punwani is the author of ‘Cross Connection’, a novel about finding love the second time over. The narrative is from the female and male point of view, giving two different perspectives to the same story. Seema is a marketing consultant and is also currently pursuing her Masters at LASALLE College of the Arts. She was born in Spain, grew up in Mumbai and now lives in Singapore.