I am 27 and work as a software engineer. I am in love with a colleague since the past three years...
She's marrying another guy though she loves me!
Dear Diana,
I am 27 and work as a software engineer. I am in love with a colleague since the past three years. She is of a different religion and she is just six months younger to me. I've spoken to my parents but they say they won't support our marriage. We are very attached to each other and have even been physical. She recently got a proposal. The guy works in the US and had come down to India to see her and got engaged. Intially, she told me it was no big dealu2026 that they'd only sign a bond and that the marriage (if at all) would happen only by December-end. I took the matter lightly. They met and he liked her but his mom insisted that the engagement be grand. It happened three weeks back. As soon as I heard, I was worried. I told my brother and sister-in-law. She told my sis-in-law that she has made her decision and now cannot take back as it will be a shame to her family. But she tells me that even if she marries him, he will be like her second husband. She has told me that even though she will not be happy, she will try to keep others happy and does not expect anything from him. Recently, she told me that she loves me a lot (after engagement). Now she feels somehow that this marriage isn't meant to be. But she does not want me to tell this guy about our affair. She tells me that somehow if this marriage breaks up, she will come back to me. I really love her and want to share the rest of my life with her. I am confused. She loves me but won't take back her decision. I don't know what to do.
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Raju00a0
Dear Raj,
All this sounds pretty silly to me. I can understand you want to be with this girl and marry her as well. But you have to understand that she too has obligations to fulfil. Your parents won't support you should you marry this girl. But have you ever tried approaching her parents? Seeing what their take on the whole matter was. Maybe, they wouldn't bother with the proposal if they were convinced you'd keep their daughter happy. That's usually the most some parents want. In any case, an engagement can be broken at any time. But both parties must consent on common grounds. SO she cannot weasel out of an agreement she made to get engaged and later married to this guy. But she is ready to cheat on him with you behind his back. Does that even seem right to you. Or does it even make you happy that she has to live a double life? In any case, why did she agree at all to this proposal. Think about that. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be. She could have simply refused the proposal, no?
She never takes the initiative
Dear Diana,
The thing is that me and my girlfriend have been together for two years now. we share a healthy physical relationship, however, the problem lies in her mindset. She is not willing to experiment in bed. The only way that we manage to do it, is the missionary. I would like her to take the lead at times, but she never initiates sex either. I have to always come up trumps. I have tried to talk to her about it, but it hasn't helped. What should I do?
Karan R
Dear Karan,
Do what some couples who try to get their partners to experiment, do. Watch porn together. Once she realises that experimenting isn't so perverse as it is made out to be, that it is all in the mind, she'd at least warm up to the idea of trying it out. Besides, her not taking the lead could have something to do with the possibility that she doesn't know how to. Give her the benefit of doubt and at least try again. Put her at ease before you two decide to experiment. And behave as if it weren't the be-all and end-all of your sex life. That you'd appreciate it if she tried out new stuff and would be cool if she wasn't comfortable and would wait as long as it would take her to be. She'll see you mean well and give you your just rewards. Patience is the key.
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