I am a 51-year-old woman and have a 24- year-old daughter. I lost my husband in a road mishap almost a decade ago
Dear Diana,
I am a 51-year-old woman and have a 24- year-old daughter. I lost my husband in a road mishap almost a decade ago. I have been working throughout my life and even when I did not have a proper job gave tuitions and did other odd tasks like catering assignments. My in-laws have been of no financial help to me all these years. The one bedroom house where my husband and I lived was in our joint names -- so I continued living there. There were some fixed deposits, so I managed to survive. My brother helped me sometimes. I have never been close to my in-laws all these years but when we do meet at family events, we are cordial to each other. Now my brother-in-law feels that as my daughter is of a marriageable age, it is their right to interfere and tell them which guy is right and wrong for her. But I don't want this to happen. All these years they never cared for me, why are they doing it now? How do I tell them they were not part of my dark days, why do you want to bask in my happy days now?
-u00a0RK
Dear RK,
I can truly understand how you feel and sympathise with you. You have suffered and now when there is going to be joy in your life you don't want others to grab it away from you. But at the same time you have to understand that they are your late husband's family. A marriage is a happy occasion when the family comes together. The hurt remains but for your daughter's sake do not cut off ties with them at this juncture. Show them respect but do not let them take an upper hand and control things. You will have to do this for your daughter's sake as she begins her new life. They can be part of the discussions and planning but the final decision has to be yours. If you show them your displeasure, it will affect your girl and her prospective in-laws as well. Show them you care, may be this will serve as an opportunity for them to realise their folly. But don't expect anything from them. For your daughter's happiness you will have to go through this. It's going to be tough no doubt, but you have to.
My ex-colleague is forcing me to change jobs
Dear Diana,
A colleague of mine recently changed jobs. It was his decision to move for better prospects. Now he is telling me, too, to look for a change. He tells me there is nothing left for me at the workplace. I don't want to as I am happy where I am. How do I explain to him and get him off my back?
-u00a0BP
Dear BP,
It's you alone who can decide whether you want a change of job. No one else can take the decision, people can only tempt you with offers or try to influence you. You have to take into consideration the company, your designation, working hours, and the salary and how comfortable you are in your the work place. Just tell your ex-colleague, Thanks for the suggestion, but for the moment you are not considering it.
My relatives want 'good news' from me!
Dear Diana,
I have been married for two years and the only thing my relatives can tell me is when I am giving them the 'good news'. I am sick and tired of hearing it. Now I have got to the point of being rude and snarl back, "It's none of your business!" However this attitude is upsetting my husband. This is also causing a major rift in our relations. I am 27 and it's not as if my biological clock is ticking. How do I explain to them that when I get pregnant, I will announce it to the world and for now just let me be!
-u00a0Rubaina
Dear Rubaina,
You are not the only person to face such a situation. Several women have to encounter this question within a few years of marriage. It is yours and your hubby's decision whether to have a child or not and when. There is no point in being rude to your folks, humour them instead. Stump them with some witty answers and they will not ask you again. But do it with tact. Your husband's concern is understandable as he does not want to strain relations with any family members, so take into account his situation before you snarl at someone next. For the moment be cool and when someone asks, just say, "Not yet, but you will be the first one to know!"
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