Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012
Dear Diana,
I am 34 and it has been seven years since we got married. About a year ago, I realised that my husband just didn't fancy me anymore.
He became very controlling in the way he treated me and I started feeling that he was embarrassed of me as I had gained weight.
u00a0
I told hm how I felt that time, but he shrugged it off, saying he did not think like that. Now I have grown to resent him.
I feel there is nothing left in our marriage and we have no children. Once again, I explained my state of mind to him.
He said he hadn't realised there was anything wrong in our relationship.
Should I stay with my husband even though I now don't care for him? Or should I follow my heart and walk out? I work part-time giving tuitions to school kids.
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Rashica
Dear Rashica
Haven't you heard of the famous seven-year itch? It is the period in a marriage when men are most susceptible to going astray, have affairs or in some cases just lose interest in their spouses. I think your husband is going through that phase.
So you don't have to start panicking just yet. Packing your bags and moving out is a bad option. Instead of resorting to extreme steps, tread with caution. First, think why you feel your husband does not fancy you. Take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror.
u00a0
Maybe you have just let yourself go and in the process lost him too. You state you have gained a lot of weight. Why? Is it due to a medical problem? If not, try and enroll in a weight loss programme. Or start with an hour of brisk walking and eating wise.
Try yoga too. It will not only make you feel fitter but also aid in positive thinking. You need to take care of yourself before pointing fingers at other people. Make an effort and let your husband notice the change in you.
u00a0
He has said he does not have any problem with you. You are assuming too much and making the situation worse.
Give it a chance and I am sure things will go well. Stop thinking too much, instead look at the brighter side of your present life.
Is my limp putting off girls?
Dear Diana,
I am a 32-year-old average looking guy.u00a0 I have a birth defect in my leg and walk with a limp.
I am financially stable and treat girls like princesses, yet they don't date me. I can't help but think it's my leg.u00a0 Isn't that shallow of women?
Nishant
Dear Nishant,
Can't be your leg. Confidence is a big turn on for women it makes you seem strong, happy and sucessful; someone who can take care of her and future family.
Instead of seeing yourself as having a 'defect', focus on your strengths and show others that this isn't something that you let affect your life.
Past hurts messing us up...
Dear Diana,
I am 26 and have been dating this guy foru00a0 a month. Recently I brought up the 'where are we in the relationship' chat, and he said we weren't in 'any' stage of relationship. I am very upset because he acts like my boyfriend.
And now he says, "We've jumped into the relationship too fast." He then told me his story that his ex hurt him six years back, and he hasn't had a relationship since.
He thinks we shouldu00a0 just be dating and see. I do like him, but I don't want to wait and see. I've been hurt before as well, and I don't want to wait to get more emotionally involved and get hurt again. What should I do?
Shweta
Dear Friend,
A month is too soon to have the 'relationship' chat. No wonder he freaked out. I think you are rushing this, perhaps because of your last break-up.
But we've all been hurt! That's no excuse to wrangle a commitment out a guy who is just getting to know you. At least he's been honest with you about the fact that he wants to take it slow and about his past.
u00a0
He hasn't been in a relationship in six years, which means that break-up had hit him hard. It isn't going to be easy for him to get back on the horse.
You need to be gentle and patient. If you try to push him into a commitment, he might bolt. Now it's up to you to decide whether you want out or wait it out.
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