Diana will solve it!Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012
Dear Diana,
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I am 25 years old and very shy. I have very few friends and none of them men. I studied in a girls' school and was part of a gang of girls during college. I do not know how to make friends and end up being all alone always. When I do make a friend, they leave me and I feel very bad.
Illustration/Satish Acharya
It takes me ages to speak to my male colleagues too. My parents are looking for a groom for me, but I am just not interested in getting married to a guy I don't know anything about.u00a0
I never got an opportunity to enjoy life and when I did, I couldn't take advantage of it. It's not that I don't know how to enjoy myself, but after staying alone for so long, it's become a habit. I feel like I am in a closed room where I am screaming to death but nobody is there to hear me. Wherever I go -- on the streets, shopping in the mall -- I am always alone.
Even when I make plans to go shopping with a few friends, it falls through, either because they don't have time or they don't want to come and I end up going alone. I never felt this lonely when I was growing up, nor did I ever regret I did not have boyfriends. But now,u00a0 I am fed up of being alone all the time. I feel like killing myself, because by living alone all these years I am already half-dead.
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
So you feel shy, but take heart from the fact that many of our top actors were shy once too. They overcame it so that they can fulfill their dreams of making it big. You can do it too.
Talk to your male colleagues about work initially. Once you break the ice, they willu00a0 respond and soon they will be initiating conversations. Just remember that very often, men don't take the first step in talking to women because they don't want to be misunderstood, even if their intentions are purely of friendship. They too are unsure of how you will perceive them and are just waiting for you to take the first step and talk to them. When your friends leave you, don't feel bad. They were not your true friends anyway and you deserve much better than them. If they don't realise your true worth, it's not your fault, it's only theirs.
About being lonely -- yes, it hurts to feel all alone in this world, but just step outdoors and look around. You will see at least two children begging on the streets or eating from dustbins. They are worse off than you are as they don't have what you haveu00a0 -- parents who want the best for you, a job, enough food and clothes, a roof over your head. But they are not killing themselves. Try and get involved in charities that work for the underprivileged. Find a cause that you feel strongly about, maybe educating street children or helping the elderly. This will help you overcome your shyness and make a difference in someone's life. I am sure you won't feel lonely anymore.
Not independent, so no shaadi, he says
Dear Diana,
I am a 24-year-old Muslim girl in a relationship with a 32-year-old Hindu boy for the past five years. He says he loves me very much but he is not taking any step because his family does not agree to the match and he is dependent on his mother and father. He says he cannot do anything because he is not settled. Then he says the other problem is that we are not well-matched and he went like this for 15 minutes. At the end of it, he got very depressed and asked me why I was silent and not saying anything. What could I say? My family is not going to agree to wait any longer.
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
At 32, he isn't "settled". If that doesn't give you an indication of the kind of life this guy is promising you, you better open your eyes. Since the two of you come from different religions, your families are bound to strongly object to the match. That much is to be expected. But by saying that the two of you are not "well-matched" he is simply fishing for excuses to get out of the relationship without looking too bad while doing it. You, on the other hand, are being realistic while noting that your family won't wait forever. But it would be best to banish any hope because if there had to be some sort of breakthrough as far as this relationship goes, it would have happened already.
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