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How do I tell my ex, that I don't want to have sex?

Updated on: 10 August,2010 07:05 AM IST  | 
Dear Diana |

Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

How do I tell my ex, that I don't want to have sex?

Dear Diana,
I got back with my ex (who was my first time) a few weeks ago. We live in different cities and we decided to give it a get together again, because by mid-2011 I will be moving to his city because of a work transfer. The only problem is that I don't know how to tell him (or if I even should tell him) that I am not ready to be sexually active again. I have had a boyfriend after we broke up and we were intimate. But the other day, when my ex and I made love, I felt distant and cold. It wasn't the feeling I remembered when we had made love for the first time. Should I tell him about this? Should I wait until I see him again or just try and avoid moments that might get us in that situation? What's your take?



PK

Dear Friend,

It's always best to be straight. If you don't tell him, he wonder why you are avoiding it, and jump to his own conclusions, which will complicate matters. Tell your guy that you want to take it slow on the physical front. You probably felt cold and distant when you made love the last time because you were expecting the magic that you had with him the first time. Expectations can ruin almost everything. You've been apart from each other for a while and had other partners in the meantime, so don't expect things to get back on the same footing instantly.

My loneliness depresses me

Dear Diana,

I am 21. I am not bad looking at all. I am a really nice, polite and pelasant person.u00a0 I am beginning to feel quite depressed about it. Will I always be alone? I am an only child. I don't even have an older sibling I can talk to. I'm quite sad about this.

Sameena
Dear Sameena,

People are single for many reasons. Maybe you are shy, too cautious, or scared to let someone in. There is someone special for everyone, and yours will come along sooner or later. Just go out and have fun with your friends. You'll probably meet someone really special when you are least expecting it.

Skimpy swim wear leaves me breathless

Dear Diana,

I am in love with a guy at the gym who wears speedos! I can't take my eyes off him when he gets in or out of the pool. He is tall, has a great physique and looks incredible in those skimpy speedos. When he gets out of the pool, I have asked him some questions about proper swimming techniques, just to chat with him and just to make other girls jealous. Do other girlsu00a0 also think he is sexy, or is it just me? Should I ask him out?

Swim-fan
Dear Friend,

Don't know that admiring a hot body is reason enough to a guy out. Talk to him for some time and see if there is anything more behind the speedos to bother going there. Right now what you feel for him is attraction, and yes, probably other girls find him attractive too. Whether you should ask him out has to do with what you are looking at doing with this guy. Do you just want a fling or a relationship? Try to get to know him and then ask him out. Just be conscious of the fact that if he's very popular with the ladies, he's probably taken. And finally remember there is more to him than just skimpy swimwear!




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