After a recent study revealed that women with high emotional intelligence have better sex lives, psychologist Jo Maddocks and sexpert Susan Quilliam have come forward to give ladies with flagging libidos a boost
"Everyone is born with a capacity for high levels of emotional intelligence, but this can change as we go through our general life, depending on what happens to us," a major newspaper quoted Jo as saying.
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"We may lose touch with our emotions because they become too hard to address, stemming from our past experiences.
"We can then start to use coping methods preventing us thinking about them - such as getting angry, or staying quiet and bottling everything up - methods that can become addictive.
"These mechanisms are then often used to deal with anything in our lives - including sex.
"Building bad attitudes can also directly impact our relationships with other people too.
"A negative attitude, poor body language and extreme reactions can shape the way people treat us too (even sexual partners) - making us feel even more isolated and troubled.
"It is acknowledging the emotions and stopping them from ruling our behaviour that gives us emotional intelligence.
"The key is to make small changes to our behaviour, rather than attempt to overhaul our whole personality.
"If you feel ignored or left out at work, for example, try saying hello to colleagues everyday as they walk in to gain a sense of belonging.
"If you find yourself getting extremely emotional, try acknowledging your feelings before they escalate into this.
"Making small behavioural changes can really help you regain control throughout your life," Jo added.
Quilliam said that having control of the emotions not only means being calmer and happier, it also means feelings won't get in the way of sex lives.
"There's a whole variety of ways that emotions can affect your sexuality," Quilliam said.
"Anxious people often can't let go enough to orgasm.
"While those with anger problems, while sometimes ravenous for sex, can become so adamant on controlling their anger they stop feeling sexy.
"If we have control, we tend to feel confident and proud of ourselves, meaning our sex lives benefit.
"And, as Jo explained, higher emotional intelligence means better relationships with others, which also applies in the bedroom too.
"If we are more willing to trust in bed, then again sex is going to be better. It's a virtuous circle," Quilliam added.
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