Cyber-sex helps me unwind. Why doesn’t he understand?

I am a 27-year-old married mother of one. I love my husband and my girl, who mean the world to me. My husband has been very caring and I adore him

Cyber-sex helps me unwind. Why doesn't he understand?

Dear Diana,
I am a 27-year-old married mother of one. I love my husband and my girl, who mean the world to me. My husband has been very caring and I adore him. Everything was fine until recently. You see, I am a bit of an exhibitionist. I befriend people on chat rooms and have meaningless cyber-sex with them over the webcam. I never show my face though or disclose my real identity. I only do this, because this is one of the ways for me to unwind. It's like men masturbating to porn. They do it even when they have wives or steady girlfriends and so does my hubby. But I knew my hubby would never be comfortable with my thing, so I kept it a secret. Last week, he found it out after accidentally walking in on me. Ever since then, he has been angry and wouldn't calm down even when I explained it to him. I swear to God that I haven't been unfaithful to him in the real world and what I do online doesn't mean anything apart from just some meaningless unwinding and relaxing. Something that keeps me mentally sane and fresh. I will be honest stating the fact that I intend to continue my thing, because I think it's harmless and means nothing. I know it's hard for some to comprehend it, but how can I make him understand?

AO

Dear Friend,
This double life of yours was bound to come out sooner or later. Agreed, you kept your identity and kept the sex meaningless enough. But remember masturbation to one thing, having cyber-sex is totally different. It might be an exercise to unwind but you seriously cannot expect him to 'understand'. You know it's harmless and are being honest about your intentions, but I'd just like to add that it's all good as long as you don't get caught. Once you do, you will have to make compromises to continue doing what you want to.

What's first-time sex like?

Dear Diana,
I am 19 and am thinking about having sex for the first time. Does it hurt and can you give me details?

NK

Dear Friend,
If you are ready and want to lose your virginity to this person, then by all means, go ahead. If you have even an iota of doubt, don't follow through. It only hurts if you aren't comfortable going through with it. Know your body and learn to enjoy the feel of the other's. Explore and enjoy. The rest will fall in place.

Okay with marriage but un-keen on sex

Dear Diana,
I am due to be married next year after five years in this relationship. Over the part eight months, my future wife and I have had sex only five times. Surely, this is not normal for any relationship! I have tried talking to her about it but with no real answer. My question is: Why does she want to marry me if she doesn't want to be with me physically?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
It looks like she who's got the problem sexually, either with you or with anyone. Maybe, she's just inhibited or has a low sex drive. Instead of asking why she wants YOU, you really need to ask if you can put up with a sexless marriage as things probably won't improve. I expect you are a great guy and good marriage material but don't underestimate the importance of a good sexual match. Without it, there's bound to be trouble in the near future.

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