'My husband is addicted to internet porn...'

My husband and I have a healthy sex life. Last week, however, I found pornography sites on his laptop

Dear Diana,
My husband and I have a healthy sex life. Last week, however, I found pornography sites on his laptop. I realised that he had saved several sites and was a frequent visitor. When I confronted him, he denied everything. He said at his office, the younger colleagues often use his laptop and that it was their doing. I know that he was lying. What bothers me is his dependence on internet porn when we're having sex regularly. What is wrong with him? Why does he have to look elsewhere for sexual gratification? After this incident he has lost interest in sex. He says he is disturbed by my constant asking and questioning. I feel this amounts to cheating on me. He tells me I had no business checking his laptop and its history. According to him it is an intrusion of his privacy and that I do not trust him.
— Shalaka


Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Shalaka,
Men feel watching porn is a guy thing. They may not admit it, but it is a veritable part of their man talk. You may not understand why your husband needs to watch it, but the fact is that it is another way of seeking sexual gratification for him. This does not mean that he is cheating on you, it is something that gives him pleasure. Nor does it mean that he has lost interest in you. Many women are aware that men watch porn, but they ignore it. By your constant asking and questioning, he seems to have felt humiliated. May be his guys in the office were watching it. Constantly berating him is getting to him, no wonder he has lost interest in sex and you. He might have been watching it all these years, but you were unaware of it. Or perhaps he may have been watching it of late and you stumbled on it. As long as he is not addicted to it, ignore it — most guys do.

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