'I want to tell her about my ex...'

I had a girlfriend for three years. We split after her family relocated to Kanpur. Our families were aware of our relationship and we were serious about each other...

Dear Diana,
I had a girlfriend for three years. We split after her family relocated to Kanpur. Our families were aware of our relationship and we were serious about each other. Things however did not work out and we went our ways. Now after eight years, my parents have fixed a match for me. I am not in touch with my ex though there are common friends. My dilemma now is whether I should tell my future wife about my past affair. I am unsure of how to go about telling her about it. She might think that something is still going on between us or that we are still in touch with each other. I feel sooner or later she will find out about my past affair, so it is better that I tell her. There are common friends so someone will spill the beans. I don't want her to know about it from outsiders and rather tell it to her myself. Or should my parents tell her folks about it?
— Naval


Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Naval,
If you feel there are several common friends and that someone will spill the beans, it is better that you tell her first. You do not have to be dramatic about it or make it sound like a confession or that it was something wrong. Remember you were much younger that time so there might have been a bit of immaturity. During a conversation about your younger days, you can tell her about your ex. You also need to explain to her that you are telling her as you want to be honest with her from the start of the relationship. If she is mature enough, she will handle it well. If you think she is not, it is better your parents inform her folks about your past. It is always better to come clean at the beginning of the relationship and clear all doubts.

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