Former couple Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone will walk for a charity fashion show. Here's what you need to know to work successfully with your ex
Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone
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"We're still friends" is a common line one has heard several exes say. But how comfortably does a post-break-up relationship translate to working in the same office, where situations can lead to high-tension scenarios?
Actors and exes Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone surely seem to have cracked the code, as the duo has worked on two films post calling it quits, the 2013 hit Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani and Tamasha (2015). The actors will also walk the ramp for a charity fashion show for designer Manish Malhotra later this month. How did they get to this point?
"The biggest challenge in dealing with exes [or with anyone really] is that we don't leave the past in the past and allow it to affect our present and future. We start seeing people through a lens of our opinions and interpretations. When working with exes, it is important to have a heightened commitment to be mindful and be in the moment and not create conflicts with the ex - the source of which is very likely to be our past-based filters," says life coach Milind Jadhav.
Jadhav feels, that a simple, yet powerful, way of dealing with your ex is to set your work priorities and do just what works for you. But do men and women react to a situation such as this in different ways? "Men tend to be patronising and vindictive. Women, on the other hand, can either withdraw or go hostile," says Dr Harish Shetty, psychiatrist, Dr LH Hiranandani Hospital. Dr Shetty feels that there's no perfect closure to any relationship - something from the past always lingers. There's nothing like neutral emotions. And the most untoward moments are when you are alone for a long time at your workplace.
"Working with exes is a difficult situation to deal with. All offices have cultural activities, which involve dancing and drinking, and it is uncomfortable and risky to be together in such situations. Sometimes, these involve bringing along your current partners. Then there are birthday parties of colleagues and meeting common friends, or work-related travel. Work brings back past memories when you are doing similar tasks. Excessive withdrawal or excessive involvement can happen at a workspace without the person consciously doing it," says Dr Shetty. "Navigating uncomfortable conversations is purely a matter of how one 'listens' to one's ex. The best way is to do so without judgement, as if you do not know that person, as opposed to 'I know who s/he really is," sums up Jadhav.
Famous exes who work together
>> Actors Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco of The Big Bang Theory, have dated in the past. Cuoco went on to marry (and divorce) someone else. The two still remain friends and a popular on-screen couple.
>> Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, the founders of the couture giant Dolce & Gabbana, broke up in 2005 and continue to run the label together. "Everything is exactly the same. But no sex!" said Gabbana in an interview about their work relationship.
Case in point
"A couple broke up in college and ended up working for the same company. Everything was fine till they went for an office picnic where they had to dance. She called me up for advice and decided to refuse to dance. When they returned, he sent her a WhatsApp message for 'old times' sake'. She was tempted, but kept away. From then on, she knew exactly what to do. The key is to manage the initial trepidation. If you cross that phase, the resolve becomes stronger. You can also take the help of your current partner if they are supportive," says Dr Shetty.
Dos and don'ts
>> Your focus should only be your work.
>> Work in groups.
>> Don't move to your past. No personal chats, keep your conversations strictly related to work. Keep away from sharing nostalgic memories.
>> Socialise along with office groups to create a buffer between you.
>> Don't share old photographs.
>> Don't discuss your present life.
>> Don't wish on occasions beyond what is essential.
>> Don't praise the other's attire, looks and any attribute not related to work.
>> Avoid inviting each other to any other place, even for a casual conversation.
>> Don't attend a post-work coffee or drink alone. Don't stay on longer than the work demands.
>> Don't make any personal comments. If one person does, make it clear that you wish to stick to work-related talk.
>> Don't use your intimate details to make loose comments.
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