From dealing with failures and work stress to the loss of a family member and physical weakness, the impact of the pandemic has taught us the importance of being kind to our self. On the occasion of World Kindness Day, eight young adults share their experiences of how they learnt to be kind to themselves amidst everything they dealt with
While we talk about being kind and compassionate to others, it is also important to be kinder to oneself. Photo: Dhanashree Gurudu, Harshil Padada, Yogita Sadadekar, Rahul Bhise.
Every year November 13 is celebrated as World Kindness Day and is a national holiday in many countries including United States, Canada, Australia and some parts of South Asia. Introduced in 1998, the day was observed as a part of the World Kindness Movement with a pledge to build a kinder and compassionate world.
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At a time when the world is still dealing with the pandemic, the impact of what the world has been through since 2020 has diverted attention to individual well-being and kindness to oneself, more than ever in recent years. Dr Ruhi Satija, a city-based psychotherapist says, “We can only do that if we are kind enough to accept that we need a change. When someone extends kindness to us, we notice and it makes a difference in how we feel and view life. We need to think of how it can be translated into an act of self-kindness.”
Satija observes that younger adults are more aware of their feelings and are more connected to their individual self than the older generations. Mid-day.com reached out to a group of young people who willingly shared their stories of how they gradually developed the courage to show kindness to themselves before investing in necessary tasks of life.
Rahul Bhise, 28, journalist, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Rahul Bhise
“I was working for a media organisation and it was getting extremely toxic. With irregular shifts and schedule, I could not focus on my health. My social life was affected. Finally, I took a break from this. Being a diabetic, it is very important for me to have my meals on time and sleep at least for six hours a day. I started doing that and began practicing Vipassana and eventually, I got rid of that job too. I chose to be kind to myself. I would request everyone not to be harsh on yourself as you will just wear you out and trust me; nothing is worth more than your health and peaceful life.”
Yogita Sadadekar, 24, visual designer, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Yogita Sadadekar
“When the pandemic struck, I spent alot of time reflecting on my past actions and behaviour. It was a series of thoughts from 'wish I had acted this way or wish I had done better', to 'I think I deserved better; people should not have treated me some certain way'. A lot of bitter memories kept daunting me and I had trouble keeping up with the good in me. I felt insecure, uncertain and broken a several times.
I decided to undergo therapy and to take care of myself better. It was tough opening up, but I knew was only going up from here. Self-love was a long and difficult journey for me. It started with standing up for self, saying no to others and mainly reflecting on my feelings through the means of art. I had to learn to give up on satisfying what others expected of me and that could help me heal and grow. That's how I started my journey to being kind to myself.”
Jay Vira, 24, content writer, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Jay Vira
“I was in my first year of junior college and had failed in one of the subjects I hated the most, Book Keeping and Accountancy. You see, I had never failed in any of the examinations. So naturally, I was devastated. Moreover, I was worried about breaking the news to my parents. I kept beating myself up over it but when my mother got to know about it, she was surprisingly calm about it. She asked me to look at my marks in English and Hindi. I had done exceptionally well in those subjects.
That's when I knew that being harsh does nothing, but pushes you away from the problem and initiates a reactionary mode. I started focusing on what I was good at and thought through the process to realise that it isn’t the end of my world and I could just work harder to pass the exams with no hassles. Next thing I knew, I managed to pass the examinations and that too with a decent margin.”
Dhanashree Gurudu, 27, development sector professional, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Dhanashree Gurudu
“The pandemic and successive lockdowns were stressful, mentally and emotionally. I almost used work and food as an escape from reality, which took toll on my physical well-being. I wanted to start gymming, but never tried due to several reasons. When things started opening up, l decided to do something about it. I joined a gym with the motive of managing my stress in a better manner and becoming physically healthier. And today, if for any reason I cannot go to the gym for two or three days, I kind of miss it.”
Archita Raghu, 23, journalist, Bengaluru
Photo courtesy: Archita Raghu
“Amidst the pandemic-related fear of nothing going right and everything being so unsure/unstable, I ended up signing up for a masters’ course I didn't want. I stuck with it for the longest time because I was convinced I had to finish something that I have started. However, attending online classes while some of my family members tested positive for Covid-19 and watching the world just die out, was tough. I constantly tried pushing myself to complete the course because it felt like dropping out was equal to giving up. Being kind to oneself is surprisingly hard; it takes some amount of courage. But, I eventually ended up dropping out because it was the least I could do for myself at a time when things were getting too much.”
Harshil Padada, 24, digital media consultant, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Harshil Padada
“There is very little we know about the post Covid-19 complications. While I recovered from COVID just before the second wave struck, I have had instances where I just did not feel like working. I would wake up, freshen up and hit the bed again. I guess, two weeks of regular fevers, weakness and quarantine does that to you.
Being a freelancer, it was a time when my finances would barely suffice if I do not take up work. And the scared version of me would have given-in to the notion of taking up new work despite the mental exhaustion that I was daily dealing with. However, I am thankful to the tiny inkling of courage that helped me choose being kind to myself, taking adequate rest and making sure that I get to a better mental and physical state before getting going.
Kindness is not easy; it takes a lot of courage. There are no dots to connect when you are choosing kindness for yourself, just a belief that prioritising yourself and your wellness would eventually workout in the favour of greater good.”
Ratan Priya, 23, journalist, Delhi
Photo courtesy: Ratan Priya
“When I went to study Journalism in Chennai in 2019, I was 55 kilos. I had a proper workout routine and diet structure, but all of it went for a toss with the stress of assignments followed by the pandemic. I gained over 20 kgs and I started disliking myself. After talking to my therapist and a few close friends, I realised I was being too harsh on myself. I was body-shaming myself every day. Now it has been months since I thought about my weight. I make it a point to exercise regularly to not get old, especially because I work from home with no mobility at all, but it's not because I want to lose weight. I don't care anymore.”
Simran Galipothu, 26, communication specialist, Mumbai
Photo courtesy: Simran Galipothu
“The pandemic was surely a challenging time for me and my family. Having lost the pillar of our strength, my father, in the first wave of COVID-19 really shook me to the core. Additionally, I was aware that I will have to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of my family. Being the youngest daughter, I always had the luxury of staying under the shadow of my competent and loving father.
I wanted to be kind enough to realise that it will take enormous amount of time to heal through the pain. I had to be kind to myself to be the same towards my mother. I stopped thinking of the past and more about the future, my goals and about living a life my father would be proud of. I started writing down my feelings, and made a to-do list which also included tasks as basic as taking care of my health. Every time I completed a task, it gave me a sense of accomplishment. This gave me a sense of security I desperately needed. I still write down all my feelings; the good, the bad, the ugly and also ways in which I make my life better."
Dr Ruhi suggests simple ways in which one can be kind and caring towards their mind and body:
1. Start with being aware of negative self-talk and thoughts playing at the back of your mind and notice the frequency of it. Then consciously start avoiding or replacing the trail with positive ones. Fix a time every day. For example, 30 minutes a day when you will not say anything unkind to yourself.
2. Take some time from your schedule to do things of your interest and the ones that will help you relax.
3. Celebrate small wins by appreciating how far you have come rather than seeing what you have missed.
4. Learn to forgive yourself; your mistakes should not become a part of your identity. Practice gratitude and thank yourself too for doing something good.
5. Respect yourself and believe in your gut.
6. Stop trying to be perfect and be compassionate to yourself. Don't tell yourself what you won't tell others.
7. Use mindfulness techniques to stop automatic negative thoughts, such as STOP technique – stopping to breathe and observe before proceeding with actions—grounding technique and breathing exercises.
Also Read: Why it is urgent to address caste-based discrimination in Indian medical institutions
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