Indian Matchmaking director Smriti Mundhra: Criticism is inevitable

Its the most talked-about web show right now and its Oscar-nominated director feels it has served as trigger for a long overdue conversation around marriage

The Internet is steaming, and Sima aunty from Mumbai is the trigger. Netflix's brand new show, Indian Matchmaking, has turned the arranged marriage business in India into a talking point, with a slice-of-life look at the unrealistic expectations harboured by young men and women, and boys with mild Oedipal complex. Its director, Smriti Mundhra, who made the Oscar-nominated A Suitable Girl, a story about three women fighting the pressure to get married, tells us she is not fazed by the avalanche of criticism.

Edited excerpts from the interview.

Smriti Mundhra

What did you discover about the Indian marriage scene during research, and shooting?

The Indian marriage scene is as broad and diverse as India itself. No one method or set of ideals works for everyone. Having been through the process myself, I came to recognise that marriage in India is starting to become more flexible and adapt to the needs of young people. For many, the term "arranged marriage" is loose, and really just means that the parents are involved in the process of finding a life partner. Of course, the more conservative and traditional ideas of arranged marriage also exist in our culture.

Why choose "matchmaking" in the age of dating apps?

The idea behind the show was to show how the process of and ideas around arranged marriage are changing, and what's constant. We knew we could never make a show that would represent every aspect of this very complex and diverse topic, so we focused on one matchmaker and her clients, and tried to depict as many diverse points of view and backgrounds as possible, while staying authentic. 

Matchmaker Sima Taparia from Mumbai is the protagonist of the show

The people chosen are real, not actors. How did you go about the selection process?

First, it started with who was willing to go through this process with cameras on them. That prospect eliminated a lot of people from Sima's list of clients. We also did some outreach on our own. Of the group that was willing, we focused on the people who were the most open, ready to be honest and represented different aspects of the Indian and diasporic experience.

Also Read: Watch Video: Sameera Reddy's spoof on 'Indian Matchmaking' with mother-in-law leaves netizens in splits

Did you stop to think if it may come across as regressive?

It was all about people being themselves, and us showing the process for what it really is. We tried to reflect the reality of our subjects, not project what we think the process should be.

Mumbai-based Akshay at the roka ceremony. His mother had specifications for the sort of person she was seeking as daughter-in-law 

What did you want audiences to take away from the show?

That Indians and South Asians are not monolithic: we have different experiences, backgrounds, ideologies and priorities that impact our approach to finding a life partner. This show only gets into a tiny bit of that. But I hope it continues to spark necessary conversations within families, among friends and between generations.

What do you make of the reactions—the good and the bad?

I welcome it all. I'm thrilled with the praise and also understand that with a topic like this, which is so personal, criticism is inevitable. We are having necessary and long-overdue conversations [because of the show] and that's a good thing.

Also Read: You Have To 'Adjust And Compromise' To Watch Netflix' Indian Matchmaking 

'Sima Aunty is not wrong'

Aarti and Hitesh Chhabria

Mumbai's Hitesh and Aarti Chhabria, who run Soulmeet, a matchmaking service for Sindhis and Punjabis, turn reviewers for Sunday mid-day

SO, yes, the show is a bit dramatised, and the long pauses are awkward. But, that could be because the people are not actors, and they are uncomfortable in front of a camera. But the rest of it is quite real and matchmaker Sima Taparia, is really not a bad sort. Despite her age, she has the patience to deal with all kinds of people. When she says "compromise", she doesn't mean that you get married below your class or specifications. She means people need to adjust. For example, if you are a girl who stands at 5 feet 3 inches, and you only want a boy who is 5 feet 10 inches, she may tell you to see a man who is 5.8, but is still ticking off all the other boxes on your list. She is also right when she says that parents should be involved in the process. We have experienced sometimes that couples meet and date for months and eventually, don't get married if parents aren't involved.

Much like on the show, the girls are more demanding, and rarely want to climb down. We have had clients who came to us when they were 23, and they haven't found a match even at 36. Thanks to dating apps that may be fulfilling their emotional and physical needs, they are okay even if the match is delayed.

It could be because they want too much. Or it could be thanks to, as Sima says, destiny.

We once facilitated a couple who were in love, and got them married, and they got divorced in six months. We are not sure why some people are critical of the show. It reflects exactly what is happening.

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