On the road to self-discovery after battling mental illness, actor Eijaz Khan talks about how his life lessons have prepared him for Bigg Boss 14 stint.
Eijaz Khan
Life has been an emotional roller coaster ride for Eijaz Khan — with a troubled childhood, complicated relationships and rape accusation levelled against him, the actor has experienced a lifetime of upheavals. After years of searching for answers, the actor reveals that he finally addressed his mental illness and began going to therapy in 2018. Two years into his path of self-recovery, he has decided to participate in the Salman Khan-hosted Bigg Boss — a show that thrives on the contestants' mind games and manipulative ways. Talking to mid-day, days before entering the Bigg Boss season 14 house, the Kavvyanajli actor said that he is aware that his personal growth will be put to the test in the game.
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"It is scary. I have somewhat redeemed myself [in the past few months], and now I am entering a space where none of it will be relevant. In the house, the little mind games seem amplified. Whatever I have realised and gauged [about my life], will be evaluated 10 times over in the house. Of course, I am worried, but that does not mean I am not excited," said Khan, who lost two of his pets this year. He found solace by being a foster parent to abandoned dogs during the lockdown.
Those who have followed the reality show's previous seasons understand that it is a test of patience and diplomacy. Living with 14 strangers under constant supervision can push one over the edge, but Khan said he won't be affected. "If there is a reasonable argument, I will listen and reflect [before I react]. Now that I love and respect myself a little more, I perceive others similarly. Having said that, if someone tries to unleash the monster in me, they are welcome. [My cool demeanour] doesn't mean I am happy all the time. In fact, I am angry all the time."
At 45, the actor today is contemplative and in seeking control of his life. Looking back on the past, he acknowledges that the baggage he carried from his parents' separation in his childhood affected his relationships. "[Over the years], I have made other people's lives miserable without realising that I was hurting myself more than them. I have had to accept myself when the success went to my head and I made the wrong choices. Over the years, I have understood my trauma patterns and why I was acting out. That road to self-discovery has prepared me for the show. You could say I have been prepping for this show for the last 20 years," said the Tanu Weds Manu actor.
He is under no illusion that the coming three months will be a cakewalk. "No matter how much you prepare yourself, what happens inside is a different ballgame altogether. What is the point in strategising to showcase only your good side? You can't hold pretences for that long. At the end of the day, the audience will relate to you only if you show your true self, even if that means you are an a**hole."
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