Worried he is cheating on me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband and I have been married for a year-and-a-half, and not a day has gone by without me worrying about him cheating on me. I have reasons to doubt him because I have caught him lying to me on numerous occasions, and I have heard him flirt with people on the phone. He denies it all the time and says it's just his personality but there is no way for me to get actual proof so I can't say anything. Ours was an arranged marriage and my parents have known his family for years. They won't believe me if I tell them my fears, but I don't know how much longer I can go on if this continues. He loves me, but I don't know if he understands that this means he can't flirt with people the way he must have been used to before we were married. How do I resolve this? If it goes on for much longer, I am just going to ask for a divorce even if it separates me from the rest of my family.
You are entitled to feel the way you do because you alone are in this marriage with your husband, despite what your family may think. It's not about him cheating either, because anything he does that you believe causes you harm is something you are entitled to call out. He may deny it but, if he does something that makes you uncomfortable, then dismisses your concerns, these are not signs of a heathy or happy relationship. It's possible that you and your husband will come to understand each other better in time, and that he may stop doing things that cause you pain. Waiting until this happens is wrong though, because it requires you to be in limbo while holding on to the hope that something will change. Tell him why this cannot go on, ask him to consider therapy with you, and prepare for the worst if he doesn't take your concerns seriously.

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