Wondering if he is truly over her...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A week before our engagement, my boyfriend confessed to being in a relationship with a girl for over a year, a few months before he met me. I had no idea about this relationship and was surprised that he hadn't mentioned it while we were dating. When I asked him why he had kept this a secret from me, he said it was because the relationship with that girl was pretty serious and they had considered getting married before it ended badly. He didn't want to talk about it for all this time because he wanted to make sure he was genuinely over her and wanted to move on. I accepted his explanation but a part of me still wonders if he is genuinely over her. What if I am the person he turned to just to forget her? Do I need to worry about what happens a few years down the line if he gets tired of me and decides he has made a mistake? Should I put this behind me and move on?
Your boyfriend has presumably been honest about why he chose to withhold this information. As part of his personal life, it is also his prerogative to share something when he is comfortable with doing so. You can accept it and focus on the kind of relationship you have with him or assume that things may go wrong, and he may regret this. The sensible approach is to believe that you are both getting engaged because you want to spend your lives with each other. If this isn't true, you are doing yourselves an injustice. If he is being honest, it's because he feels comfortable enough to talk about this, and trusts you with this information. Doubts are normal, but it always makes sense to air them out and talk about what bothers you openly because that is how you can both move towards some kind of resolution. It's great practice for life after marriage too, because that is how all successful relationships evolve.

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