Why is she shutting me out?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been having some weird issues with my girlfriend lately, because of what happened to her during a recent holiday. She had a falling out with her best friend and has not been the same since. She doesn't tell me what exactly happened, but all I know is that this has affected her to such an extent that she doesn't even communicate with me the way she used to. Her friend is no longer in touch with her, and they used to chat several times a day. She says this has nothing to do with me, and I understand that, but it also has an impact on me because she is cutting me out slowly. She is distant, doesn't speak about her everyday life, and barely talks when I ask her specific questions about work or her personal life. This has been going on for over three months and I am starting to give up because I don't know how much longer I can force her to chat. What can I do to change this situation?
She is obviously dealing with a traumatic incident and doesn't have the tools to be able to process it yet. The loss of a close friendship can be as devastating as the ending of any serious relationship, and the best thing you can do is remind her that you are there for her and give her space until she is strong enough to talk about whatever it is that's weighing her down. This isn't about you, as she has pointed out, and while it will undeniably affect your relationship given how close you are to her life, it is also important that you look at this from her perspective and recognise that there are times when we must allow ourselves to not be a priority. Tell her you're willing to wait, accept that she will be distant for a while, and hope that your relationship is strong enough so she returns to a place where you can both communicate openly again.

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