Why is she hostile towards me?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 34-year old man and have been married for two years. My wife and I dated for a year before marrying, and we have no problems in our home. The thing that is causing me a lot of concern is her sister. She is very passive aggressive towards me and everything I do, which I didn't notice before because I only met her a few times. There were always other people around whenever I met her, so I had no way of knowing what kind of person she really was. She visits us often because she and my wife are close and, whenever she is here, she finds a way of making me feel bad about something. I can't say anything to my wife about this because she thinks her sister is amazing, but I am beginning to dread every visit from my sister-in-law. I am also afraid that this situation may get to a point where I say something to damage my relationship with her and, by extension, with my wife. How do I resolve this without causing any problems?
You have to approach it like an adult and not be afraid of saying what's on your mind. Your sister-in-law is entitled to her opinions, but dreading her visits is a red flag that points to unresolved issues. To not say something for fear of offending your wife is the opposite of what healthy and open dialogue is about. It is critical for the future of your own marriage that you start speaking about things that appear to be difficult. Your wife needs to look at this from your perspective and understand that her relationship with her sister is separate from her relationship as your partner. You should also consider having a conversation with your sister-in-law and explaining why you find what she says offensive. This may lead to some awkwardness, but it's also possible that she may not be aware of how her behaviour is harming not just you but your marriage.

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