Why is he so terribly insecure!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 32-year old woman and have been married for two years to a man who is extremely insecure about a lot of things. I am good-looking and he is not, so he always assumes I will leave him. There are no grounds for this, and his constant fear causes me a lot of unnecessary anxiety. He begs me not to leave him and I have to spend hours reassuring him that I will always be here. I recently asked him to speak to a counsellor about this and he agreed. Since then, there has been some positive change, but I worry that he may always need therapy because of how this problem has never been addressed. Will our marriage fail if this doesn't get resolved?
He wants to make it work, presumably, which is why he has agreed to see a therapist. If you see positive changes, that is also great because it means he's working on these issues. As for how long it will take, and whether it will harm your marriage, you can only find answers to those questions with time. To predict how or when he will turn into a different person is impossible. Insecurity can cause people to behave in all kinds of ways, for reasons we have no control over. Your husband wants to change this aspect of his behaviour because you are important to him. What happens a few months down the line depends upon your support too, and whether you want this to work. If you do, being patient and offering him any help you can, will probably go a long way. It may also be a good idea to speak to a therapist on your own, for coping mechanisms that can help you address his insecurities better while improving your own mental health.

A girl I like just told me that she might get back with her ex-boyfriend. What do I do?
You can tell her how you feel and hope for the best. The choice is hers.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com