Why is he so secretive?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Is it okay for a partner to hide something from the other person in a relationship by saying it's personal? My boyfriend does this to me whenever he gets a text message. I ask who it's from and he says it's business or personal, without explaining what that means. I don't ask for an explanation because it doesn't seem like he wants to say more, but it's strange because I don't have any such secrets from him. We have been together for almost a year now, and I wonder why he feels the need to be secretive about some parts of his life. If it's work, I understand completely, but I don't get what he means by saying something is personal. Does this mean he's hiding something from me, and I am too naïve to figure out what's going on?
It takes time for anyone in a relationship to reconfigure boundaries related to personal space. There may be any number of reasons for your partner's secrecy, and to speculate on any of them is not just a waste of time, it is an unnecessarily stressful exercise. You can choose to accept what he says at face value, give him the right to have his own space, or ask him to elaborate if this bothers you. It's possible that he just needs more time to open up than you do because not everyone is comfortable with a partner having access to every aspect of their lives. If this continues to bother you, and you feel as if this secrecy is harming your relationship, talk to him about it. To not say anything is to leave room for misinterpretation, which isn't good for either of you.

My girlfriend keeps saying she is unhappy with me but doesn't want to end our relationship. What do I do?
If this relationship isn't working for one of you, it isn't working for the other person either. Think about what it means for your future and decide for both of you.

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