Why can’t she see what I see?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have an on-off relationship with a girl who says she likes me but doesn't want to commit to anything. I like her a lot too and, whenever we are together, it feels as if we can take this seriously if we decide to. She doesn't get it and tells me we shouldn't aim for a serious relationship because there are other people we should date. I don't understand or accept her argument, but there's nothing I can do about it because this won't work without her trying as much as I am willing to. How can I get her to see this from my perspective, and to try and accept me as more than some casual date every other month? I think there is something between us if she can only give it a chance.
You have told her how you feel, and she has been clear about what she wants. If she hasn't come around to your point of view by now, all you can do is hope that she will change her mind in the future. To reiterate how you feel won't help because she has to see this relationship the way you do, which can only come with spending more time with you. I suggest you decide how long you are prepared to wait, to avoid this slipping into resentment. She is entitled to feel the way she does, just as you are.

My girlfriend and I have a problem with how much we spend on dates. She insists on expensive restaurants or gifts and is always upset if I don't spend as much money as she does. I think it's wasteful and unnecessary because the only thing that matters is being together. How do I get her to stop focusing on this monetary stuff?
It's important for you both to be on the same page when it comes to money, and you have to tell her how and why this can affect your relationship. As adults, you should both be able to compromise.

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