Why am I wasting my time with him?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 27-year old woman and have been in love with the same guy for seven years. We have an on-again off-again relationship and, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get over it. I feel desperate because he is okay with the situation when we aren't together, but I always reach out and fix things. On some days, we are a perfect couple. On other days, I wonder if there is something wrong with me that makes me go back to him even though there is no future. I worry that I am just afraid of being with someone else because of how comfortable I am with him. How do I resolve this? I can't keep going back and forth for the rest of my life because I would like to settle down some day. What should I do?
Going back and forth with someone you are comfortable with is normal, given that you both share a bond. There are probably underlying issues that prevent either of you from figuring out where this is going though, which isn't a sustainable plan. You should speak to your partner about what he wants, and how he envisions this relationship going forward. If he isn't committed or interested in arriving at a more stable situation and is comfortable with things being the way they are, your expectations and wants are clearly not matching. If you are honest and open about this, you will have to make a difficult decision based on how you value your future, and what you want for yourself. It won't be easy, but important decisions about one's life never are.

Is it possible to figure out if someone is interested in me by how often they text me? I have been chatting with this guy for weeks but can't figure out if he is just a friendly person or if he likes me.
The easiest way is to ask him directly because you have nothing to lose, and because it avoids misunderstandings.

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