Why am I such a nervous wreck?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 21-year old guy and have been struggling with being single for years. I have tried to go on dates a few times, but am just not comfortable around girls. I stammer and say the wrong things and they end up thinking I am weird. I can't even ask someone out because I get so nervous and they probably sense it. I worry that if I can't get over this fear, or hesitance, I may never have a normal relationship with anyone. It is a frightening thought. My friends are all dating girls our age and they make fun of me all the time, saying that I will always be single. I just laugh it off, but I can't handle this situation much longer. I stay up at night just worrying about growing old alone. What do I do? Should I speak to someone about my condition? Is it even a condition? I am just confused.
To worry about growing old alone when you're 21 is premature, so we should get that out of the way. What you are describing is more common than you might think, because not everyone has the social skills required to manage conversations with other people, let alone the opposite sex. It is difficult, and social anxiety can be crippling, so try not to be so hard on yourself. Accept that you are dealing with anxiety, put aside the need to date, and figure out what you can do to gain more confidence instead. Speaking to a professional counsellor can go a long way towards helping you find the tools to cope with your anxiety. As for your friends and what they say, you should also accept that peer pressure is undeniably difficult to cope with, but you can choose how you spend time with people based on how they treat you. Genuine friends will help, not demean you.

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