Why am I so afraid to commit?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a phobia of commitment, which I have been aware of for a long time. I date a lot of girls and always end the relationship after a few months because I am afraid of them getting too close. Because of this, I have missed out on finding a good companion. There have been some great people in my life, all of whom I have turned away from without having a very good reason. I am turning 32 this year and am afraid that I will always be alone because I cannot commit to a long-term relationship. All my friends are either married or planning to marry soon. I am going to speak to a counsellor about this, but is there anything else I can do to try and avoid ruining the possibility of making something work in the future? I don't want to be alone all the time just because of this irrational fear. Please help.
It's great that you acknowledge the issue and more important that you are ready and willing to get the help you need to address it. One thing you can do, apart from speaking to a professional, is try and separate your need for companionship from your need to commit to a long-term relationship. A fear of commitment is not uncommon, but you can try and focus on getting to know someone better as opposed to evaluating someone from the perspective of a potential partner. Sometimes, it's nice to just spend time with another person, and try to understand them, rather than worrying about it being a date. If you like being with someone and feel a need to see them again, you can take things one day at a time until you realize you are happy to meet them for a longer period. This isn't necessarily an easy thing to do, but you will get better at it if you learn to stop putting too much pressure on yourself. Why not simply enjoy the presence of someone for a change?

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