Whom should I pick to marry?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 34-year old woman trying to figure out if I should marry someone who is reliable, or date someone else who is not as stable but way more interesting. I am not in a committed relationship with either one, but they know that I date other people and are both interested in me. I know one of them wants to make this a permanent thing because he came right out and proposed marriage, but I didn't accept because it felt as if I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. At the same time, I worry about dating the other guy because I know he won't settle down and I will be 35 in a few months. How do I make this decision?
The best way to understand how you feel is to spend more time with these people until you get a better sense of who they are and what they mean to you. If you're not at a place where you have clarity about what you want the next years of your life to look like, it doesn't make sense to rush into something because these are serious decisions that require more thinking. Also, the idea of living with someone for the rest of your life cannot be made on the basis of a proposal alone, or on financial considerations, because there is so much more that goes into building a solid relationship that lasts. If you feel indecisive, give yourself a personal deadline to evaluate your options and understand what you want from a partner. When you know what your expectations are, arriving at a decision will be easier.

I want to commit to my girlfriend but always find a reason not to. Part of this is because we argue so much and I worry about a future with her. What should I do?
Arguments are a way of understanding your partner better. Think about what she means to you, and what your life without her will be like, which may help.

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