What if I am the problem?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was in a relationship for a year-and-a-half, which ended badly because my ex and I couldn't see eye to eye on anything. When we eventually split up, he ended up saying I was the problem because I had issues with men in general. I know this isn't true, but it has made me question my choices and evaluate how I treat anyone I may consider getting into a relationship with. How do I know if there is any truth to what he said? What if he is right and I am the problem? I am worried because I don't want to affect future relationships by not addressing this. Should I speak to a professional?
You have the option of taking what your ex says seriously, but you should also have more faith in yourself and your intuition. Relationships don't end because of one person alone, irrespective of how much your ex may want to believe that. Evaluate your actions, by all means, but treat every relationship as different because not every partner will trigger the same reactions or behaviour. Trust yourself and speak to a professional only if you notice a pattern start to appear after every relationship. Most importantly, don't let your past failure with one person colour your any potential relationship in your future. Learn from your mistakes and get better at dealing with them.

Also read: He knows nothing about my past...

I have a crush on someone who is aware of this but doesn't react. I know he likes me, but he isn't making any moves. Is he trying to figure out his feelings or get to know me better first? Is there anything I can do to hasten the process?
If he likes you and wants to get to know you better, that's probably better for you because it lays a stronger foundation for what is to come. You can always try spending more time with him if you like, but why not give him time and space to figure this out on his own?

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