We’ve not spoken for six months!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

What is the right amount of time apart that one should take in a relationship before it starts to become a serious problem? My partner and I have not been in touch for six months since we had a huge fight, because we both wanted to figure out if there was a future for us. Now, whenever I ask him if he wants to get back, he responds saying he still needs time. I love him a lot but don't want to wait endlessly while he comes to terms with whatever is going on in his head. When I ask him to talk to me about it, he doesn't say much and just asks me to be patient. I have been waiting for two months and don't want to anymore. Should I just end this, or am I being hasty and letting go of someone I should be with?
You're not being hasty if you believe you have waited long enough, because you can both have different thresholds. Taking time off is fine, as is waiting until you both get to a place of dialogue. What is worrying here is a breakdown in communication, because your partner needs to keep you informed about where he thinks this is going. To cut someone off and assume they will have to wait without a sense of what's going on in a relationship is a bad idea. There are potential misunderstandings, as well as the possibility of emotional damage. Tell your partner that you are willing to wait until a point that works for you, provided he keeps lines of communication open. If that can't be done, the sooner you put this behind you, the better.

My friend drunkenly said something about having feelings for me and has not mentioned it since. Should I ask him about this, or just assume it meant nothing?
Do you want it to mean something? If you do, why not ask? You should be able to speak about this as a friend, without any awkwardness.

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