We live like two roommates!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 46-year old housewife and have been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years. We got married because our parents knew each other and thought it would be good for both families. Neither my husband nor I had a problem with the arrangement, but we realised very early on that we had nothing in common. We have our own interests and treat each other like roommates more than a married couple. We have no children and haven't had any physical intimacy for over a decade. I am here because it feels as if I have no other option. I am too afraid to be single at this age, and don't know how society will react if I ask for a divorce. I think my husband feels the same way, which is why he has never asked for a divorce either. Our parents have passed away and there is no one who will have a say on what we decide, but I can't seem to summon the courage to move out and start living again. I don't want to grow old like this. What can I do?
You can reconsider what it means to be 46 and think of the years you have ahead of you. Any long-term relationship that starts to resemble a rut can be hard to get out of, because there is comfort in routine even if there is unhappiness. The only way for you to take a decisive step towards whatever lies ahead is to have a conversation with your husband and ask him how he feels. If you are both afraid of change, ask yourselves if a loveless marriage really is all you both deserve. Think about all the implications of a divorce and get professional advice if you have specific fears about finance or other issues that may crop up. All you need is clarity and a better sense of what your options are, which can only happen when you are ready to talk about the present and a possible future.

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