We don’t talk about the future

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 26-year old woman and have been dating a guy two years older for three years. We are great together, but I worry that we don't get enough quality time with each other. We go on dates to watch movies, or have dinner at a new restaurant, or to parties with friends, but there is a nagging doubt that we don't do stuff that allows us to get to know each other better. We don't have heart-to-heart conversations about the future, or about our lives, and it sometimes feels as if we are in a relationship only because we are attracted to each other. I am not sad, but it plays on my mind. I don't even know if he feels the same way, or if I am overthinking this. Is this how other couples are too? What do I tell him?
You may be getting cues from all kinds of places, but gauging what your relationship is like based on how you think other people behave isn't a sensible thing to do. You're right that there can be other things you do to understand each other better, and speaking about your lives and future is critical, but you already possess the tools to address this. You say you don't know how your boyfriend feels about these issues, which is a sign that it is the first thing to talk about. If you don't acknowledge the presence of something, irrespective of whether it is a problem or not, you're not moving towards a solution. Also, assuming he is okay with this is unfair because you simply don't know what's on his mind. Consider going on a short holiday with him, write down a list of questions you would like answers to, or topics you would like to discuss, and see what happens. Sometimes, what seems like a problem is easily solved if two people decide to address it together.

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