Was it a mistake to get married?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been married for almost a year now and am beginning to question my decision because my wife and I don't seem to be on the same page when it comes to several things. We dated for a year before deciding to marry, and both assumed we knew each other well enough before making this decision. Now, we have more arguments than we did before marriage, and I don't know if we were too hasty. Maybe we should have waited. This worries me because I don't know how I can spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't see eye-to-eye with me on what I believe are important issues. What should we do? Should we consider counselling? Does this mean our marriage is in trouble?
First of all, you are doing yourself and your wife a disservice by assuming your marriage is in trouble. The two of you have been together for two years, one as a married couple. To assume that you will both agree on everything is naïve, as is the idea that you will be understanding of each other's wishes or expectations. Counselling is always a great idea because it helps you put together a process that leads to better communication. It doesn't, in any way, imply that something is going wrong. Happy couples speak to counsellors too, often to improve their relationship, because we all need help or professional advice now and again. I suggest you speak to your wife about why her disagreements bother you and begin talking about your individual wants and needs more often. Give yourself time, accept that this is a lifelong process, and focus on what made you both decide to be together in the first place. If you want to live together for the rest of your lives, accept that this means you both have the rest of your lives to figure each other out too. Arguments lose their power over time and communicating clearly is not as easy as it may seem on paper.

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