Unsure if I want to marry him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My parents want me to marry someone who doesn't share my interests, which is not a big deal now but may start to become a problem in the years to come. It is an arranged marriage and I have been okay with it because I am 34 years old and have not had a serious relationship with anyone. I know I want to be married, and my parents are getting old, so I agreed to this, but I also have some concerns because I don't want to regret this in the future. What should I do to try and get my fiancé to be more supportive? He is older than I am, and also doing this because he wants to be married, but we both know there is no real connection between us. We are hoping we will get closer to each other after marriage, but this is always going to be a risk. How do I make it easier to manage?
The only thing that can and will work is better communication, which always takes time to put into place. You both seem fairly clear-eyed about why you are doing this, and a successful marriage, like any partnership, requires a certain amount of give and take on both sides. It requires work, and the ability to accept different points of view. There is nothing wrong with a partner who doesn't share one's interests, even though it helps, but how you navigate this depends upon how you both set expectations for each other right at the start. If you can talk about your interests, what they mean, and how you intend to devote time to them after marriage, it will give your fiancé a chance to understand and accept this because he will know what to expect. You can ask him to do this as an exercise too, so you get a sense of what he's like and how he assumes things may change in the future. It's all about being better prepared, which only comes with communication.

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