Unable to handle his sudden moods

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have an on-again off-again relationship with this guy who can't seem to make up his mind about where this is going. We have months where it feels like a perfect relationship, and then he starts to distance himself and I can't figure out if there is a future with him. I end up feeling like I have been rejected for something I don't understand, and I don't know what he gets by making me feel this way. It's like a power struggle where he has to control my feelings, even though I sometimes think he is genuinely confused. He stops texting when he gets into these moods, and I have to keep guessing if I did something wrong. How do I get him to stop this and take a stand on what he wants for us?
If you feel rejected and not good enough, the person you're with isn't taking your interests or well-being into consideration. He may be confused about the future of this relationship, but that is his confusion to sort out. If you have been trying to make this work for a while and things haven't been resolved, you should give yourself a deadline or ask him to commit. If he can't, and needs more time, it is up to you to decide if waiting is worth it. Feelings matter, but so does your mental health and sense of worth. You should be with someone who values you, so think about that whenever you decide what to do next.

How do I determine if my relationship with someone will be a long-term one or something that will never evolve into marriage? I have been with a guy for four years now but neither of us feels ready to commit to a permanent situation.
If you are both happy with the way things are, maybe you're not prepared for anything long-term yet, which is okay. A relationship can't be forced, so enjoy your time together and talk about the future whenever you feel you're ready.

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