Torn between mom and her...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend says I am too close to my mother, and that this affects everything I say and do. She worries that my mother's influence is so powerful that it will affect my relationship with her. I told her that I am close to my mother, but that I am also capable of thinking for myself. The problem is my mother isn't fond of my girlfriend and says this to me as often as she can. I happened to mention this to my girlfriend once, which is why she has begun to have this issue. I feel as if I am being pulled in two directions because I can't make them both happy. I love them both and have different relationships with them, so I don't see any need for this kind of friction. How do I calm them both down and make them realise that this doesn't have to be a problem if they just mind their own business?
To manage expectations when it comes to family and loved ones isn't always easy, but sticking to your beliefs makes a difference. You can take tangible steps to maintain a healthy distance between your mother and girlfriend or do the other sensible thing and have a conversation with them both, explaining why this is an unnecessary issue that is hurting you. They have your best interests at heart, in their own way, and may not see things from your perspective. If this doesn't happen, you may have to assume that it cannot be resolved soon. You may also have to live with the idea that you cannot please everyone.

Why is it a big deal for everyone if my boyfriend and I have a gap of 7 years between us?
If it isn't a problem for you and your boyfriend, what everyone else says will matter less as time goes by. It isn't always easy to drown out critics, but they lose their power when they realize you cannot be swayed. Be patient and this will go away.

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