Tired of being the rebound girlfriend

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I always feel as if I am someone most guys come to when they are trying to get over an ex-girlfriend. They are always with me for a while, then move on to someone they take more seriously. This was fine by me at first, because I just wanted to date casually, but it is increasingly bothering me because it feels as if they don't see me as someone they can be in a long-term relationship with. I want to change that perception, but don't know how. I can't always be the rebound girlfriend, as opposed to someone they want to genuinely be with. Am I doing something wrong?
If you want a stable relationship, you should simply consider the facts before you choose to date someone. If they are getting over someone, you have the prerogative of being supportive without committing to any kind of relationship. This isn't your fault in any way, but people have to know that you are interested in something long-term as opposed to casual dating, and being very clear about your expectations up front is the easiest way to do that. This feels more like a series of misunderstandings or miscommunication rather that anything specific you are doing. If you recognise a pattern, you can change it. Slow down the next time you are asked out, evaluate where the person is coming from, and talk about what you both expect before committing to anything.

A colleague of mine stopped speaking to me after I told him I had a crush on him. My friends say I should have said nothing, but I didn't do anything wrong. Is there any way to fix this?
You can ask him out for a cup of coffee, if he agrees, and clear the air. If he refuses, you have to simply accept that he isn't as mature as you thought. Being open about feelings is fine, but you can't control the narrative when someone else's feelings are involved.

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