Think I am in love with someone else

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I think I am in love with my husband's second cousin, and I don't know what to do about it. We have known each other since before I got married, and I have always liked him, but I am beginning to sense that he cares about me, too. My marriage has not been a successful one and everyone in both our families is aware of this. I won't be surprised if my husband chooses to file for divorce soon, which is probably why I have begun to notice his cousin a lot more in recent months. I am tempted to ask him out and have a frank conversation about this, but I also worry because I don't want to cause more trouble in our family. Things are already bad in our household, and I don't know how my husband will react if he finds out. What should I do?
There's a lot going on here, and the important thing to do is pinpoint what problem you would like to address first. If your marriage isn't working and your husband intends to end it, how do you feel about that? Are you comfortable with the idea of ending it too? If you are both ready, why not address that? As for his cousin and how you feel, it always makes more sense to consider any relationship from a position of strength and clarity, because it allows you to make more sensible decisions. Speaking to your husband's cousin is fine, but not when you have no idea about what's going on in your household. You owe it to your husband, as well as yourself and his cousin, to be free of these entanglements before you have any conversation about your future. There are legal issues to consider, let alone the moral ones that aren't even being mentioned here. It's obvious that things are not okay in your marriage, so your feelings are understandable. It's also possible that this unhappiness is pushing you towards something you may not really feel either.

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