So afraid she will leave me one day!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a problem of trust with my girlfriend, which I have tried to resolve but can't seem to be able to. We have been together for almost a year now, but I constantly think she is flirting with others and that she will leave me the minute she finds someone better. The only reason for this is I once caught her speaking to some guy at a party and it felt as if they were flirting. I know she would never cheat on me and am aware that she loves me a lot, but this irrational fear always prevents me from getting too close to her. I tried to explain this a few times, and she said that if I didn't trust her, this relationship was not going to work out. How do I get over this inability to accept her without doubting her? What should I do?
You have already pointed out, correctly, that this fear is irrational. You are aware there is a problem, accept that it may damage your relationship, and continue to think of ways to get over it instead of focusing on what you need to do. If you are in a relationship with someone, there is a certain assumption that the person wants to be with you because it is a shared feeling. If your girlfriend wants to be with someone else, she will, and there is nothing you can do about it because two people cannot be forced to be in a relationship with each other. Why not try looking at this from her perspective, and put aside your fears? We all like to think we have some control over our lives, but almost never do. Why not simply enjoy her presence, try and celebrate the fact that you are in a relationship, and let things happen the way they must? You can also speak to a counsellor if you believe advice from a neutral third party can help you isolate where these doubts and feelings of mistrust come from.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com