Should we stay married for the kids?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a married mother of two and have been having serious issues with my husband for the past three years. We have been married for seven years and it feels as if we have given up on this relationship. We don't fight, and it's not as if we are not aware of the implications of this decision for our children, but we have both come to the conclusion that we don't love each other anymore and are ready to live separate lives. We are okay with shared custody and sharing financial arrangements, and the whole thing is amicable, so we don't foresee any legal issues either. The only question I have in my mind is whether I should stay with him just for the sake of our children. I know this will hurt them and a part of me wants to sacrifice my happiness for them. Then again, I stop myself because I don't know how they will appreciate a mother who is always unhappy. I don't know if I am being selfish. How do I resolve this?
You and your husband are aware of your responsibilities as parents, and are committed to upholding them, which is great. An amicable end to this is also important because of how it will affect your children. As for the notion of staying with him only for them, it may seem like an act of sacrifice at the moment but may also tip over into resentment as the years go by because living with someone you don't want to isn't an easy thing to do. Yes, millions of people do this every day because they have no choice, but you do have one, and should base your decision on logic and reasoning, not emotion, because as you correctly pointed out, an unhappy parent can be worse for a child than a parent not living with them all the time. This isn't an easy decision, but I suggest you put yourself first because your mental health is critical to good parenting.

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