Should we marry for her family?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 45-year old man and have been in a relationship with a woman my age for almost 18 years now. We have been living together for over a decade, and this arrangement has worked very well for us because neither of us has been interested in marriage. The sad thing is, her family has never supported this decision because they believe we should marry or end this relationship. They never visit us, and don't even message her or stay in touch because they think it's their way of putting pressure on her. My partner has never been upset about this before because she has always known that they are old-fashioned and won't agree with her way of life. It hurts me though, because I know she misses her parents and family. They are getting old, and she feels as if this will never be resolved. I am thinking of asking her to marry me just so they can repair this fractured bond and be a family again. I know she won't accept my reasons, but I can't think of any other way. Is this a bad idea, given that I may feel as if I am being pressured to do something I have never wanted to do?
The only person putting this pressure on you is yourself, given that your partner doesn't appear to be asking you to do it. Your reasons may be sound, but this really should be her call, given that it is her family who is refusing to do the right thing. Yes, she may be hurt by their behaviour, but it is also something she will have to come to terms with, and if she isn't willing to marry just to make her family accept her, the onus of doing this isn't on you. Why not tell her what you're thinking about, give her time to process the pros and cons, and do what works best for you both by making a joint decision? That's how the best partnerships always work.

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