Should I try to get my friend back?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My friendship with a close friend ended a few months ago because we had a crush on the same guy who ended up going out with me. That relationship fizzled out very soon because we realised we had nothing in common, but my friend has never forgiven me for what she thinks was an act of betrayal. I don't see it that way because, if this were reversed and she were the one dating him, I would simply be happy for them both. I am sad because I think I misjudged her and think she has behaved selfishly. At the same time, this is someone I have known for years and have loved for a long time. Should I give up on our friendship just because of her behaviour, or try one last time to get her to see things from my perspective? Is it wrong to try and bring her back into my life given that she has proven to be so fickle?
This depends upon how you both feel in the weeks to come because your perspective on what has transpired may start to change with time. You are both hurt in different ways, and it's okay to feel the way you both do even if you think she behaved in a selfish manner. I suggest you allow her some time to evaluate the potential loss of a friend, while thinking about why she felt betrayed. There is no reason for a friend to behave in a way we think we would have, because circumstances and ways of thinking differ. She is entitled to feeling hurt if that is the overriding emotion she experienced at the time. What matters is whether you both ultimately need the presence of the other, and whether you feel your friendship matters more than any issues that get in the way. Give her as well as yourself some time to look at this dispassionately, in the future, and then reach out if you believe she makes a difference to your life.

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