Should I just stay single?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year old woman and have been dating someone for three months. I am still emotionally attached to my ex-boyfriend but haven't said anything about this to my partner. He thinks I am over my past relationship, and I try my best but can't stop thinking about my ex. I am worried that this will not go away, and it's unfair to my boyfriend because he loves me and cares about me. I want to tell him how I feel but I am afraid that he won't be able to handle it. I have not spoken to my ex since we broke up, so I don't even know if he misses me. I am confused about what to do. Should I just break up and stay single until I sort this out in my head?
You should give yourself time and be kinder to yourself. Not everyone gets over relationships quickly. There is no timeline on how long it takes to process that sense of loss, and you should start by acknowledging that it's okay to feel the way you do. Building ties in your current relationship will take time, because you and your boyfriend will have to work on this together. You don't have to break up just because you miss your ex, unless you have no feelings for the person you are currently with. Remind yourself that there will come a day when you won't miss your ex as much. Until that happens, think about why you are with this person, as well as why your earlier relationship failed.

My boyfriend is a great person but careless about his professional life. He doesn't even bother if he gets a promotion, which makes me worry about the kind of person he is if we decide to commit to marriage. Am I awful for thinking that way?
No, you're just being sensible and looking at this relationship from all possible angles as you should. Speak to him and try getting his perspective on his professional goals.

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