Should I hold on or let him go?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a married woman and have been giving serious thought to getting a divorce because my husband is in love with someone else. We have been married for over a decade and he has been very honest with me about how he feels, why he doesn't love me as much as he used to, and why he thinks he should be with this other person. I don't feel any anger towards him because I have felt that our feelings towards each other have faded over time, and we have no children or any other reason to continue trying to make this work. At the same time, a part of me feels as if I am giving up too easily. If this is just an infatuation on his part, we are probably letting go of a long-term relationship that we may appreciate only when we are older. What do I do? Should I stick on and try to make this work, or let him have his way and just try to move on?
This isn't a decision you can make on your own, given that your husband needs to buy into your argument as well. Yes, he may not be sure about his feelings for this other person, but what he needs to be clear about is whether he appreciates you and this marriage. If neither of you has considered speaking to a counsellor and put in any work to improve relations over the past few years, it seems as if you are both reconciled to the status quo. Marriage, like any relationship, is hard work because there is always a change in how partners feel about each other. How you act upon these feelings and find a way of keeping that spark alive separates healthy relationships from those that are merely functional. I suggest you ask him if he is willing to speak to a professional before making any decision. If he isn't comfortable with the idea, it's possible that he has already given up on this.

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