Should I give in? He’s married!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been propositioned by a married man who says he loves me and wants me to consider a relationship with him. He has not been close to his wife for years and they have a sham marriage because they don't want their families to know this. I don't know how I feel about it because I do have feelings for him, and have known him for a long time, but I also feel guilty knowing that I may be responsible for making things worse in his household. I haven't told anyone about this because I know they will react with strong words and ask me to forget about it, but I want to make sure I walk away for the right reasons, and not because I am too prudish to go ahead with this. What should I do, and how will I know I am doing the right thing?
If this person doesn't have the courage to walk away from a marriage that he claims isn't working, what makes you believe this relationship you are considering will be built on solid foundations? Assuming you go ahead with it, and putting aside the legalities and moral issue of being with a married person, what sort of future do you imagine for you both? Having feelings is one thing but you have to think about what you are signing up for, and where you hope to be in a couple of years. Ask yourself what you expect from any relationship, not just this one, and weigh it against what he is offering you. Also, speak to family or friends anyway because, even if they warn you, they have your best interests at heart and may be able to offer you a perspective that is currently missing.

How do I get an old friend back if her personality has changed completely?
People change and she may simply have made a decision to not have you in her life. All you can do is reach out and hope for the best.

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