Should I be more selfish?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am always asked to be more accommodating when it comes to my relationship. My boyfriend assumes what I want is okay as long as it doesn't affect his plans. He apologises whenever I bring this up, but always tells me it's because he has more responsibilities and has to make changes to his schedule to make sure his other tasks aren't ignored. I know he's not lying, but I sometimes wonder if I should be more selfish and insist on him changing his plans for me. I want to do this only to set expectations and to push for some kind of equality because I think it will have an effect on how we go forward as a couple. Am I being childish?
You're not being childish for wanting to be treated as an equal, but there are mature ways of handling this, starting with an honest conversation about what your individual expectations are, from this relationship as well as from each other. His reasons for prioritising people may be genuine, but your interests matter too, especially if you end up feeling resentful for always being asked to take second place. He needs to understand why you feel the way you do and take measures to stop that from happening too often because it will make you feel as if you are being taken for granted. This isn't an insurmountable problem, but it doesn't have to lead to a power struggle either. Talk it out, come up with a compromise, and hold him to it.

Our sex life has taken a dive since we were married two years ago. We love each other but there doesn't seem to be any spark. How do we fix this?
Take a short holiday, talk about what you want when it comes to intimacy, and be more open about your emotional and physical needs. It always helps to speak to a professional, a neutral party who can mediate if it is difficult for you and your partner to communicate more effectively.

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