She’s chatting with strangers...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I recently caught my girlfriend chatting with strangers online, and she admitted that she has been doing this for months now. She said she didn't know any of them, and wasn't in touch with them in person, but did it because she was bored and found their company entertaining. I asked if there was something wrong with me, and why she wasn't chatting with me if she wanted to be entertained, and she said it was just boring to talk to me all the time. We have been in a relationship for three years so I admit that we don't talk to each other constantly the way we used to when we began dating, but I am worried about what she said because of the implications that she may someday leave me out of boredom. What can I do to prevent this from happening?
All relationships require some hard work from both partners after a while, because it isn't easy to stay interested in people's lives all the time. It is important to recognise that relationships evolve though, and bring a better understanding of each person with time. What may seem boring for one person may actually be a sense of comfort and clarity for the other. Your girlfriend's behaviour is a sign of something, not about the boredom of your company but about not getting what she needs from you. This could be attention, empathy, or something else that you aren't providing. Why not consider a short holiday somewhere, and reconnect with what you both want from each other? Try being open about your expectations, what you see as faults in what the other person is doing, and how committed you are to making this relationship work. Sometimes, what seems like boredom is also a lack of real communication, which can be disastrous for any relationship. Her behaviour isn't cause for concern but is definitely a warning sign.

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