She thinks I am being possessive!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a strong attachment to my girlfriend, which sometimes comes across as possessiveness and creates some problems between us. It's not as if I don't trust her, but there are times when it definitely feels as if she needs more advice on how to conduct herself and be more careful about the people she hangs out with. She doesn't take my comments in a healthy spirit even though I am only looking out for her and trying to make sure she is okay. How do I get her to be more open to this? I want us to evolve in our relationship, but she keeps pushing back and asking me to stop interfering. Is it wrong to worry about the person you love?
Worrying about someone you love and assuming they don't have the skills to make decisions about their life are two different things. If this is something she has repeatedly spoken to you about, and it has caused friction between you two in the past, it's obvious that you simply aren't listening. You can make a case for it any way you like, by portraying your act as one of benevolence, but the fact remains that she doesn't want your advice and resents your interference. There is also a smug sense of superiority in what you say, because it implies that you know what you're doing, and she doesn't. If you really want your relationship to evolve, I suggest you start by listening more, and treating her as an equal, not as someone who needs your help to cope with life. Respect is a two-way street, and you should start with that.

My boyfriend has a problem with alcohol but is getting help and wants me to stay away from him until he gets better. Is this a sensible idea?
Why not speak to his doctor or counsellor and find out what impact your presence or absence can have on his recovery process? He may have a valid reason for asking you to do this.

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